Wedding Advice: What should you do if your fiance wants to invite his/her Ex to the wedding?

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What would you do? Inviting an ex to a wedding.

Question: What should you do if your fiance wants to invite his/her Ex to the wedding?

KAELLA’S ANSWER: I suppose this depends on the significance of their past relationship and your feelings about it. First, I recommend talking through it, because maybe there is a good reason. Listen and be reasonable. Remember, he/she is marrying you, not the ex. However, if you still don’t feel comfortable having the ex at your wedding, I would say your fiancé should respect that and it’s probably not appropriate to invite him/her.

RACHEL’S ANSWER: I think it’s all about your fiance’s intentions. Why does he or she want the ex there? If it’s because they are still friends, this is likely something that you have been asked to make peace with already. If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s probably something to really talk about in depth before you get married, because in that case, it’s not about the wedding invite exactly — it’s about your comfort level with the ex’s presence in your fiance’s (and now your) life going forward too. What makes you uncomfortable? Is it their relationship? Have you always been uncomfortable with your partners’ exes? Answering those questions and figuring out what exactly is bothering you can help you determine how to proceed.

If they aren’t really close friends and your fiance just wants to invite the ex to show off — as in, “Look how much better off I am without you!” or “I’m beating you to the altar!”…I’d say don’t go that route. Let the ex hear it through the grapevine (or Facebook); you’ll look like the loser if you go out of your way to tell them personally.

 

About our Kaella & Rachel: Kaella Wilson is the founder of Kaella Lynn Events, a wedding planning and design boutique based in San Francisco. She believes the difference is in the details. Whether you’re planning a grand event or an intimate celebration, Kaella combines artistic design with meticulous planning and management to produce a memorable event that represents your style. Follow her on twitter @Kaellalynn Rachel Wilkerson is a writer and community manager living in sin in Houston, TX. She also happens to be planning her wedding! You can see more of her writing on her brand-new blog The House Always WinsFollow her on twitter @RachelGettingIt

Need more wedding advice? Read Kaella and Rachel’s previous posts:

 

Image source: Photographs by Anjuli

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READER COMMENTS (3)

  1. Sigh. The ex at the wedding is something I never anticipated having to deal with but because my boyfriend has a son, if we get married, his ex-wife will most likely be invited to our wedding. We all get along well, but it does make me uncomfortable, all the same. I think in that situation it comes down to which choice causes the most discomfort for the most people … and despite being the bride, that’s a battle I lose. It’s something I’m mostly okay with, but this is the only situation in which I’d be okay with having exes there at all – at least any of my or his exes.

  2. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, but you’re trying to make the best of it and taking a very thoughtful approach to a tough situation! Weddings are wonderful celebrations, but in the scheme of things, it’s just one day – I’m sure you’ll all be able to get through it gracefully and enjoy the day no matter what. After all, it is YOUR big day :)

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