QUESTION: How do you deal with demanding guests at your wedding?
Kaella’s Answer: As a wedding planner, I always ask my clients if there are any family dynamics or situations I should know about before the wedding day. This is the time to bring up guests who may be known to be more demanding or need extra attention. This way I can anticipate those needs, so they don’t weigh on my clients on their wedding day. I may even decide to appoint a staff member to that particular guest to make sure they are well taken care of. Bringing these things up with your planner ahead of time is very helpful in making sure your guest is taken care of and their demands do not hinder the experience of you or the rest of your guests.
Rachel’s Answer: If you have a guest who is making a lot of special requests, you can do your best to accommodate them, but don’t hesitate to draw the line if you feel that they are being unreasonable. (For example, it’s standard to provide a vegetarian option at weddings, but you aren’t expected to accommodate every food allergy or special diet.) And if the guest knows a family member or friend, you could ask that person to support you by letting the person know they are being unreasonable if the topic comes up. (It’s so much easier and less awkward for the maid of honor to tell someone she needs to stop whining about your wedding not being paleo-friendly than it is for you to do it!).
About our Kaella & Rachel: Kaella Wilson is the founder of Kaella Lynn Events, a wedding planning and design boutique based in San Francisco. She believes the difference is in the details. Whether you’re planning a grand event or an intimate celebration, Kaella combines artistic design with meticulous planning and management to produce a memorable event that represents your style. Follow her on twitter @Kaellalynn Rachel Wilkerson is a writer and community manager living in sin in Houston, TX. She also happens to be planning her wedding! You can see more of her writing on her brand-new blog The House Always Wins. Follow her on twitter @RachelGettingIt
Need more wedding advice? Read Kaella’s previous posts:
- How do you (politely) stop your future in-laws from taking over your wedding planning?
- How do you tell a friend she won’t be a part of your bridal party?
- Is it okay to not allow children at your wedding?
- Should the bride and groom pay for the wedding party’s attire?
- What should I do if my MOH is slacking?
- What do you tell your family when you don’t want a wedding?
Photo courtesy of Kaitie Bryant
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I’m a little disturbed by the idea that “you aren’t expected to accommodate every food allergy or special diet”. It seems heartless to leave any guest without food purely because you have too many relatives with different allergies. I’m sure that sentence was just misphrased though, rather than intended to have that meaning.
Kali, I don’t think any guest would ever be left “without food.” I can’t imagine there wouldn’t be something that a person with a food allergy or special diet could eat.
I do think it is unreasonable for the bride and groom to research and prepare for every possible food allergy or special diet that might show up. I would imagine those people are used to having limited options wherever they go, not just at weddings. Often times those people eat something beforehand, because they know their options might be limited. For example, my son is an extremely picky eater. I’d just drive through and get him McDonald’s before the reception, and then maybe he’d have some fruit or bread while at the wedding. I wouldn’t expect the bride and groom to prepare peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, or hot dogs for him because that’s all he’ll eat. (And, there might be someone there who is allergic to peanut butter, anyway.)
I agree with Rachel that accommodations aren’t expected in every instance. Depending on the size of the wedding, budget, and range of dietary restrictions, it might not be reasonable to expect the perfect fit for all guests.