QUESTION: If we have a destination wedding and we know mosts guests can’t go, should we send them invitations anyway?
Kaella’s Answer: This is a personal choice. There are a few things to consider when deciding what is the best decision for you. First, some guests may actually surprise you and make the trip, so even though it may sound like they cannot make it, I think it’s best not to assume. Secondly, guests within your closest circle may be looking forward to receiving their invitation. Even though they cannot attend, they get to learn more about your wedding and have the honor of receiving the official invitation. Withholding the invitation because you already know they cannot make it may lead them to think that they were not in fact invited and could hurt the feelings of those very close to you. Lastly, receiving an invitation places a level of obligation for the invitee to send a gift, so you may not want to send an invitation to those outside of your closest circle. It could come across as a ploy to receive gifts.
Rachel’s Answer: Ugh, I am so torn on this one! On the one hand, I can’t imagine not sending my closest friends and family invites because I’d want them to feel included. (I would feel awful if my friend didn’t even get to see the invite!) On the other hand, sending a ton of invites to guests you know cannot attend can seem gift-grabby, even if that’s not your intention. I’d probably handle it on a case-by-case basis. If your 90-year-old grandmother can’t fly to Aruba for your wedding but would love to show everyone in her nursing home your invitation, send her one. If it’s someone you aren’t as close to and she’s already made it clear she can’t attend, I wouldn’t. Instead, send a marriage announcement after the fact and include a personal note saying you’d love to get together to catch up now that you’re back from your honeymoon. I don’t know if that’s the official bridal etiquette on this matter, but that’s how I’d handle it.
About our Kaella & Rachel: Kaella Wilson is the founder of Kaella Lynn Events, a wedding planning and design boutique based in San Francisco. She believes the difference is in the details. Whether you’re planning a grand event or an intimate celebration, Kaella combines artistic design with meticulous planning and management to produce a memorable event that represents your style. Follow her on twitter @Kaellalynn Rachel Wilkerson is a writer and community manager living in sin in Houston, TX. She also happens to be planning her wedding! You can see more of her writing on her brand-new blog The House Always Wins. Follow her on twitter @RachelGettingIt.
Need more wedding advice? Read Kaella and Rachel’s previous posts:
- How do you (politely) stop your future in-laws from taking over your wedding planning?
- How do you tell a friend she won’t be a part of your bridal party?
- Is it okay to not allow children at your wedding?
- Should the bride and groom pay for the wedding party’s attire?
- What should I do if my MOH is slacking?
- What do you tell your family when you don’t want a wedding?
Image via Amelia Lyon
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