10 ways to be the coolest bride ever – from your future bridesmaid

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Dear Future Best Bride Friend,

I’m so excited that you’ve chosen me to be your bridesmaid! If I’m in your bridal party, I promise to always stand by you and support you as you plan your wedding day. As a good friend/sister/relative, I want to help make your wedding journey as enjoyable and un-stressful as it can be. But you have to try and do the same for me! As much as it’s your big day, I’ll be along with you for the ride, and we’ll both have a much better time if we’re both happy. With that in mind, I think you’ll be the coolest bride ever if you just follow these 10 simple rules…

cool bride unique ideas bridesmaids nice best thank you helpful bride bridezilla

Eileen Liu Photography

1. Give us color swatches to choose from, and then let us choose our own bridesmaids dresses. That way we’ll have something we love and is flattering, and you’ll have us looking just the way you pictured!

choose your color swatch

The Decorista

And if you don’t like our choices? Chances are we kept the receipt, just in case. But seriously, how cute are these mismatched bridesmaids? You know you’re into it.

pink bridesmaids dresses

Studio Castillero via Ruffled

2. If you want us to wear heels, take care of our feet. We’ll put up with it for you, but we’ll be a little sad if we end the night with blisters or twisted ankles! Please don’t make us wobble-walk on grass – think about investing in heel-stoppers!

bridesmaids heels

D’s Jewelry World

And we’re definitely going to want to dance the night away. More comfy shoes are preferred, so we’re not trying to brave the dance floor in bare feet!

dancing shoes

Rachel Kate Photography

3.  Loosen us up the morning of the big day. We want to celebrate with you, and be nice and relaxed for the ceremony! We won’t say no to some drinks, snacks, and extra pampering.

bridesmaids brunch

 Natalie Moser Photography via On To Baby

4. Shower us with presents! While we love doing this for you, it’s nice to get some gifts for helping you out. We’ll want to party and celebrate, so it’d be nice to have kits for hangovers after the bachelorette and wedding day.

bachelorette-welcome-boxes

Harmony Creative

Oh, and personal thank you gifts are always appreciated – it’ll give us a special way to remember being a part of your wedding!

personalized necklace for blog

5. If you want us to rock crazy or complicated hairstyles for the wedding, offer to pay for it. Trust us – there’s no way that we’ll figure out these ‘dos by ourselves, and you’ll be happier if we look just the way you want.

bridesmaids hair braid

Marianne Taylor Photography

bridesmaids high bun

Wear Mint

bridesmaids braided bun

Daily Shennanigans

6. If I don’t know anyone, introduce me to all the bridesmaids beforehand so we have time to be friends. Fun outings, lunch, or nights out are a great way to get us together before the big day.

bridesmaids brunch

Milou and Olin Photography via Engaged and Inspired

7. Warn me of creepy groomsmen, or set me up with the hottie if I’m single! I’d love to have the best time possible at your big day.

cool bride 7

Skyla Walton via Green Wedding Shoes

8. Don’t make me compete for your attention. I know you love your other bridesmaids, but things can get awkward fast if two best friends or sisters are vying for your time.

bridesmaids advice

Rachel Thurston

9. I’m happy to help you out with most things – DIY projects, picking up dresses, or mailing invites are all expected. But don’t ask me last minute for my help, or resent me if I can’t make it. I have other things to do too!

DIY projects and bridesmaids

Hindsight Bride

10. If you’re not stoked about the bachelorette party we’re planning, then please don’t throw a fit – this is our event to plan for you! Instead, hint nicely about one or two things you’d be excited to do. And if it’s a trip to Vegas that we can’t afford, offer to pitch in.

black dresses

Undeclared Panache

I can’t wait to celebrate with you, and be a part of your bridal party! I promise I’ll be a cool bride to you too. Congrats, girl!

Love,

Your Future Bridesmaid

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READER COMMENTS (249)

  1. Shayla on | Reply

    These are extremely needy bridesmaids. How about get over yourself it’s about the bride? Waa. High heels. Waaa. Attention. Waaa. Buy me things. Seriously? I was just the MOH for my sister, and if I was this needy/self-centered, I’d just rather not be apart of the wedding. But hey, that’s just me.

    • Danielle on | Reply

      You’re absolutely right!! That’s exactly what I was thinking while reading this!! Ths day is about the bride, if you want the attention, YOU go get married!

    • Broke Bride on | Reply

      I completely agree! This list is over the top! I’ve been a bridesmaid (bought everything for myself and paid for many of the showers/parties!)
      Now that I’m a bride I’d love to spoil my girls… But I haven’t won the lottery. Weddings are stressful enough without all these monetary bridesmaids demands. Would it be lovely to do everything on this list? DUH! But seriously that’s why bridesmaids get ASKED because it is an emotional and financial commit for the bride’s big day. Bottom line we are all broke and busy…
      I do think it’s great to communicate with the bridesmaids of who is who on both parties but the rest of this list expects the bride to be the one made of money, with no life. Not cool

    • Emma on | Reply

      Absolutely! I’ve been a bridesmaid several times, and each time I say yes, I know I’m agreeing to basically be the bride’s b*tch until the wedding :)

    • Michelle on | Reply

      I totally agree! Having been a bridesmaid myself (to a very needy, almost bridezilla-ish friend who I love deeply) I new I was going to put a lot of money down & I never expected a thing from her except a thank you. Now that I’m a bride, I would love to give my sister & best friend the world but let’s face it, I can’t & I won’t. & ill probably still be a cool bride(;

    • Mandy on | Reply

      I agree with all of you- this post seems highly narcissistic! I agree that the bride shouldn’t go over the top, but most of the brides that I know have always tried their best to accommodate the bridal party. Aaaaaand, if you don’t like it, then don’t be in the wedding! Better that than to show up with a “high and mighty” attitude and ruin the special day for the bride.

      • Samantha on | Reply

        SO AGREED! Most brides won’t be bridezillas, and will do their best to make sure everyone is happy.

    • Patricia on | Reply

      I agree! I’ve been a Bridesmaid twice and this year its my turn to be the Bride!! When I was a Bridesmaid, I made sure to be there for the Bride and pretty much say yes to whatever she wanted us to wear or do. They were my best friends so I know that they were not demanding crazy things, so I felt fine with saying yes. Yes, I’ll admit, that I wished they didn’t make me wear my hair up (didn’t think it looked good on me), but I NEVER made a big deal about it. This is the Bride’s time and big day!
      Now that I am the Bride, I can tell you that I have WAY too many things to stress over and there should be no need for added stress from your Bridesmaids.
      When you say yes to being a Bridesmaid you say yes to being there for the Bride because believe me when the tables turn, and its YOUR time then you are going to want the same in return.

    • I felt the same way reading this! The wedding is about celebrating the couple, not about the bridal party! Don’t get me wrong–I’m all about showing my appreciation, but this list was way over the top and needy. Was this bridesmaid a 13 year old girl? lol

    • kiwi on | Reply

      Agree!!! I was just in a wedding and we had A bm with an attitude like this one, she got kicked out. All she did was complain about how the bride needs a wedding planner because going on pinterest is to hard and we should be getting pampered because its a big day for us too. This whole article is so childish! “give me what I want and I won’t cry if you want to be happy on YOUR day which I reclaimed for myself.” I can’t stand the last one “pitch in of we can’t afford it” then it says “this party is for you” then plan accordingly! I’m sure some brides wouldn’t even mind A night of McDonalds and skinny dipping than done extravagant Vegas trip that makes you push the wedding over one year because you had to pitch in. I like everyones comments:) glad there is some sense in this world

    • Micki on | Reply

      SO glad I wasn’t the only thinking.. excuse me? Who do you think you are? I’d never have her in my wedding!!!!

    • Jessica Rogers on | Reply

      I completely agree. Pretty sure it’s the BRIDES day . This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read

    • Myriam on | Reply

      I am soooo happy I wasn’t the only one thinking that! I mean come on, offer to pay for the hair? Doesn’t the bride have enough to pay for HER wedding?

    • Zoe on | Reply

      Oh my god I totally agree with everybody this is horrible. Probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever read! Obviously a diva as an author. It’s about the bride not the brides maids. Wanting some extra pampering and gifts and wanting hangover kits so they can party and enjoy a nice wedding and free hair styles. In what world? Come down from the clouds. Where do you think the term bride’s MAIDS came from. Not in a mean reference but as a helpful position.

    • Claire on | Reply

      Totally agree What a needy self centred person wrote this… I was a bride less than a year ago an if any of my bridesmaids went on like this I would be shocked and tell them to f#%k right off with there demands… Although I did pay for dresses shoes jewelry bits ( bracelets earring etc) make-up nails hair an alterations on dresses but what a radiculous list I was horrified reading this…. And unless you’ve gotten married an realise how stressful it is or your made of money then I don’t think you guys who are agreeing should agree…. And you should be honoured to be asked to be a big part on there day I was over the moon to be asked by my friend…

      • Jeannie on | Reply

        I totally agree with all of you girls…I have been a bridesmaid at least four times and asked a fifth and actually had to turn it down because I knew what being a bridesmaid consists of. It is a lot. If you accept the invitation of being in the wedding party then suck it up and do your part. Yes it is the BRIDES DAY not the bridesmaids day. The last wedding I was in was my brother’s…I paid for my dress,my shoes, my hair,my make-up, the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, and god only knows what else. I knew what I was in for. I would NEVER once think to even ask for or tell my sister in law that she HAD to give me any of that stuff. Are you kidding me…a wedding is expensive and stressful just as all of you have said above…why make it more expensive for what…so you dont have a hang over the next day. If you are drinking you are obviously grown and should know how to cure a hang over on your own. It is now my chance to be the bride, I just got engaged a few weeks ago and I can not imagine doing the majority of those things for my girls and my girls do not expect it. They know that I was in every single one of their weddings and did exactly what I was asked and more and I know they will do the same and I will not even have to ask. Some people need to realize that the world does not revolve around them and if they expect things like that then all they are going to get is a Bridezilla. Good luck to all you future brides…I hope none of you get a bridesmaid with the demands like this one. Remember it is YOUR day NOT the bridesmaid. If you want to do lunch or brunch and a gift or whatever great…but all that other stuff is ridiculous. Good luck ladies!!

    • Wait a minute …give the bridesmaids extra pampering on your wedding day? Don’t say yes to be a bridesmaid if you can’t take a backseat on your friend’s wedding day. When it’s your wedding day you will be pampered. I like the idea of giving the color swatch, but there shouldn’t be more than two hues. You can get away with wearing different styles if they’re in the same hue. The bridesmaids above look like wedding guests. I’ve been a bridesmaid, bride and wedding coordinator in that order …paying for your hair stylist appointment is a bit much. I like the idea of having juice and fruit snacks for everyone during wedding prep. Fruit chills out frazzled emotions.

    • Jasmine on | Reply

      Hey girls i agree with all of you who have said that these bridesmaids are over doing it with pay for this and pay for that it is ridiculous! The bride has enough expenses to pay for the whole wedding. I was a bit disappointed while reading this article because I didn’t expect it to be so centered on the bridesmaids and not even thinking of the bride as it is the bride’s day at the wedding ( and the groom too). They sorta made the assumption that people getting married have an endless supply of money and no budget for the wedding! One suggestion I will do for sure is the introduction of my bridesmaids before the wedding to allow them to get familiar with each other. But I am not into the spend money spend money on your bridesmaids perspective of this article

  2. Shayla on | Reply

    Whoever wrote this should write for the animal shelter, instead. You sound like an abused pet needing a home.

    • Gemma on | Reply

      haha… you’re awesome

    • Angela on | Reply

      Haha! Hilarious but I think that may be an insult to the animals…

  3. Cassie on | Reply

    This is a great post ! I’m a bride as well as a bridesmaid and I have been in many weddings in the past ! If you want your wedding to be perfect you need to understand how your bridesmaids feel ! This post is amazing! Bridesmaids put up with alot and just cause it’s “your day” doesn’t mean a thing !

    • Andi on | Reply

      “Just because it’s ‘your day’ doesn’t mean a thing”?!?! Are you serious? That’s a terrible attitude to have towards a friend of yours who is getting married- I hope you choose to bow out of the party gracefully rather than talk to the bride like that.

      • JJC on | Reply

        I am totally heartbroken I’m the bride and had not asked for support other than be happy for my day and I get nothing but complaints about their dresses and how awe full it is going to be for them before they even try anything on?? My two bridesmaid thinks the day is about them. I have given them the opportunity to bow out but insisting on continuing to be in the party. I just don’t get it

    • Angel on | Reply

      I have a couple things to say. 1. This list is completely awful. I understand these are “suggestions” but nonetheless they are awful suggestions. 2. I do agree that a bride should be more aware of others feelings, but it is HER day. It’s not the bridesmaids day. Their day will come ( if it hasn’t already) 3. For all these females talking about how stressful it is to be a bridesmaid or a MOH and they’ve done it like 3 times…how are you gonna sit there and complain? You should have learned the first damn time and said no the next two.

  4. JasmineSun on | Reply

    Shayla harsh! But I have to agree lol. I would expect most of this as a bridesmaid. And as a bride I would hope my girls would go with the flow and be there for me. The whole point of bridesmaids. You’ll have plenty of appeasing to do with parents, future in-laws and other needy relatives. You don’t need it from your gals! I do think they should feel pampered though if you can afford it. That’s a nice touch.

  5. Bethany on | Reply

    As much money as the bride is spending on her wedding, she may not have the extra funds to provide you with meals, drinks, a hangover kit for the bachelorette AND wedding night, a gift, your hair and your trip to Vegas. She may also be stressed about her own big day that she won’t have the time to make sure you have ample amount of attention so as not to upset you plus worry about your feet, introducing you to everyone and setting you up with the hottest groomsman. On your wedding day, it can be all about you. You are there to support the bride in whatever she needs, not the other way around.

    • I too think it is the bridemaids job to support the bride.

      So instead of letting the bride cater you and have just another thing to stress about on her big day.. Acknowledge that the day of the wedding is super exciting for the bride and let her be completely focussed on the fact that it is her once-in-a-lifetime-day and organize breakfast for her! Not the other way around.

      Make sure the bride has the best day she can possibly have, and that she experiences it consciously.

      I’m not married yet, but I am só afraid that most of the day just passes by and it’ll be over before I know it.
      I get why celebs have a 3-day wedding!

  6. Leanna Christensen on | Reply

    Agree Bethany! this is the dumbest list I’ve ever seen!
    How on earth can bridesmaids expect brides to pay for all that-think about brides that have 6-10 bridesmaids! Who on earth can afford that!

    • Tracey on | Reply

      I think if you cant afford to pay for it all for 6 bridesmaids – try having one or two. Your bridesmaids shouldnt have to fund your dreams

      • Lindsey on | Reply

        I would hardly say paying for a mani/pedi, formal hairdo, and cocktail dress is “funding your dreams.” If you don’t want to participate, don’t be a bridesmaid. The bride isn’t filthy rich. She has to pay thousands of dollars already, she shouldn’t have to cover all of your expenses to. It isn’t the bridesmaids’ day to be pampered and treated like a princess, even if they are appreciated for their help it is their job to make sure the bride is having the best day of her life.

        • Em on | Reply

          She doesn’t “have ” do anything. You can married for $50 at city hall. The rest is a choice. The point is the more lavish you want it the more you need to be prepared to cover some of the costs. Your bridesmaids are living and breathing women who have lives and responsibilities beyond your big day.

  7. Katie on | Reply

    This article is the worst. I have a bridesmaid who is in her first wedding ever, and in addition to never having attended a wedding, thinks the weekend is all about her. She mentioned a lot of things on this list that did nothing but add to my stress and not to mention add to the budget. Someone delete this please so confused bridesmaids on Pinterest don’t think this is NORMAL. I love all my bridesmaids and have gone out of the way to make it fun for them, but this list is ridiculous.

  8. Brenda Christofferson on | Reply

    Really though this is the dumbest blog in the world. I’m repinning this with the caption saying “Top 10 ways to be the worst bridesmaid ever”

    • workingforchocolate on | Reply

      Agree!! Definitely the Top 10 ways to be the worst bridesmaid ever!!

  9. I think these are fantastic things to keep in mind when working with my girls. Thanks for the reminders :) (and seriously, no one said you had to do all of them; suggestions are just that. Unwadding of readers’ panties should’ve been included as #11)

    • workingforchocolate on | Reply

      classy comment

  10. Hey guys! There are obviously a lot of strong feelings about this list – I just want to note that these are, as Jessica said, suggestions. Every bride and her group of bridesmaids are different, and obviously we’re not saying a bride isn’t cool if she doesn’t do these things! We’re just trying to spark some conversation (which we obviously did) and throw some ideas out there.

    Thanks for reading! :)

  11. Eb on | Reply

    These “suggestions” are still awful. Weddings are expensive and stressful enough without worrying about pleasing the bridesmaids too. The bridesmaids are supposed to be there for the BRIDE, not the other way around! If every bridesmaid has these sorts of expectations, brides won’t want anyone on their wedding party! If you’ve never been in a wedding before, please ignore every thing on this list. If you have been in a wedding before and these are your expectations, please talk to your bride. Otherwise, things will probably not go well for either of you…

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      While the bridesmaid is there for the Bride, remember that the bridesmaid is taking time out of her schedule to do the things that need to get done. The Bride should do something for her bridesmaids, like give them a swatch of the colour that she wants for the dress so that the bridesmaids can find something that suits them rather than the other way around. And it would be nice if the bride would do something like take her bridesmaids out for lunch or a nice dinner before the wedding. The bridesmaids are spending time and money in order to make sure that ONE day happens. good grief.

      • Lauren on | Reply

        Um, weddings are great fun and being a bridesmaid should be an honor without the bride having to bend over backwards to pay for things. If you don’t have the time or money to do something the bride is asking you to do, talk to her about it. Otherwise, what are you whining about?

      • Mol Doll on | Reply

        From someone who has been a bridesmaid SEVERAL times, I will tell u that each and every time I was honored to be there for that person. I understood the things and expenses that came with that role, when I accepted, and there was NO way I was EVER going to gripe to the bride about this if she didn’t pamper me every step of the way. It wasn’t my day, it was HER day. And I knew someday she would be there for me.

  12. Gina on | Reply

    Ok…. i think everyone is thinking in extreme terms. But I actually think this list is awesome. It’s not an article called “how to be a bride” its how to be a “COOL” bride. Your friends will still be your friends after your wedding. And some of these things dont have to be super expensive for a bride! I do think that your BMs deserve attention- its not all about you, its about your guests and bridal party too! It might be as simple as calling them up and talking about things going on in their like OUTSIDE of your wedding. Just dont bring it up. I bet they would really appreciate it.

    But the comments about Vegas? Great, you want to go to Vegas but you cant afford to pay for all your girls to go? And they can’t afford to go? … then dont go… Or save up and all go on a trip when you can all afford to go. And just do something around town — or simply cheaper– in the meantime.

    Am I crazy here? I think the moral of the post is to pull your head out of your butt and realize that the world doesnt revolve around you… and BM dont have endless funds or time for you. They’ve got their own life going on while you plan your wedding. So just dont assume people are willing to shell out thousands to be a part of your big day. Because thats what people will talk about later on in life, not what the BM’s hair looked like….

    • And therefore if you don’t do all the things on this list you’re “not a cool bride.” Lists like this give unreal expectations for brides & bridesmaid, and are the reason why brides are being called bridezillas for doing things that used to be totally normal. i.e. making the BM’s where the same dress, or asking them to help with last minute issues and DIY’s. The exact same list could have been written in a less insulting, less selfish, and more knowledgeable way. Not everything was bad, but a lot of these were taking away the BM’s traditional duties.

    • Melanie on | Reply

      I agree. I think these are great reminders. I’m currently an MOH while planning my wedding and have been in 3 weddings. I’ll let my girls pick dresses, hair and shoes. I think mostly brides need to be reminded it’s not all about them and their demands (and again, I say this as one). Overall VERY well said Gina :)

    • Lexi on | Reply

      Thank you, Gina, for your thoughtful and insightful comment! Finally one person thinks rationally and not just “the bride says ‘jump!’ – you say ‘how high?'”

      • Mol Doll on | Reply

        I think that brides can communicate what they want to their bridesmaids without it being a “what I say goes!” attitude. All of these comments are so back and white that it’s ridiculous.

        • Kelsey on | Reply

          YES to all five of these comments!! This article could have been written in a MUCH less snotty way, I cringe that this was the route the author took in composing it. But at the end of the day, some of these things were a no-brainer! If you want your bridesmaids to have crazy hairstyles and professional makeup that you know they won’t be able to afford on their own, then you need to chip in! I’m planning on letting my maids do what they please with their hair, they are all grown adults and can manage a simple hair curl, or if they want something more extravagant then that will be their responsibility. As far as the Vegas thing, I think everyone is taking it as “the bridesmaids want to go to Vegas so the bride should pay for it!” NO. That’s not what it’s saying at all! It’s simply saying that the maids want to plan the best party they can afford for the bride, so if the BRIDE wants something over-the-top like Vegas, then it should be up to her to help finance it. You wouldn’t take a trip with your significant other and expect someone else pay for it, would you? Again, this article is extremely bratty in its wording, but the basic message behind it of “hey brides, don’t forget that before your bridesmaids were your FRIENDS before they became your BRIDESMAIDS.” I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last year and half of us aren’t even friends with the bride anymore because even after we spent thousands on being in her wedding (which was way beyond any bridesmaid should have to chip in, by the way), she still wasn’t appreciative of anything we did for her.

  13. Amber on | Reply

    This post makes it seem like the bride is supposed to be made of money. Paying for extra things like gifts and breakfasts and hair?

  14. Eva on | Reply

    I agree with those that think this list is overly demanding of a bridesmaid. As a bride I already try to think about my girls and how the process and bills can be stressful for others and have spent a lot of my wedding planning accommodating others. In fact, this is the worst thing I could have done. Making the day about others and how to best please them is a curse I’ve somehow put upon myself. Brides, be considerate, but don’t forget the day is yours. These girls should be pampering you. It can be all about your bridesmaids on their wedding days, or really any other day. But your wedding date is yours. Enjoy it and don’t feel like you need to accommodate others!

  15. AMS on | Reply

    This is literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. The day is about the bride…not the bridesmaids, sorry.

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      While it is about the bridal couple, you have to also please those that are coming to the wedding and are in the wedding. Its not just about the bridal couple.

      • Micki on | Reply

        It actually is just about the bridal couple. That’s what a wedding is. Most of the time, brides won’t be a complete horror so this list is ridiculous. If the bridesmaid feels that she should be waited on like this, then get out of the wedding. No one is forcing her to be in it!

        • Eliska on | Reply

          If it’s just about the bridal couple, they can go get married at City Hall and skip the expense. The whole point of a wedding is to throw a party so your friends and relations can share your joy.

          • Alexandra on

            I completely agree with Eliska. A wedding is a celebration of the couple, but there are a lot of complicated relationships involved in that.

            Also, there is a lot of expense for the wedding party. A bridesmaid expects to help with the DIYs and throwing you parties, as well as to provide emotional support along the way. So showing your appreciation for this help by offering some champagne, writing a thank you note and giving a little token to everyone in your bridal party, is not overdone.

            If you can’t afford Vegas, don’t go. If you want a complicated and costly hairstyle that will look good in your pictures, help with the cost or find a hair stylist friend to help on the big day.

            It comes down to COMMUNICATION. Communicate your expectations and everyone is happier.

      • Mol Doll on | Reply

        Doing anything to please other people coming are put to the kindness of the bridal couple. Since it’s called a WEDDING, it’s about the people getting married, which are the bride and groom.

      • Jasmine on | Reply

        I am not saying they will not be thanked for their help and what not but this list is borderline ridiculous. As said a wedding is expensive but don’t judge people if they don’t want to get married at city hall and decide to involve friends and family in their special day, you cannot expect them to be to have an endless budget. Be reasonable bridesmaids, if your bride is rich and can afford it then fine. But a lot of people save money for their wedding for years. If you don’t wanna pay for your dress, hair and makeup, inform the bride and graciously bow out of the wedding party. You cannot take advantage of the bride and groom of their special day. I don’t care what any of y’all say a wedding is the celebration of the couple not the bridal party.

  16. Marie on | Reply

    I love this list! Obviously not all of these are possible for every bride, but I think people need to remember that your bridesmaids are your closest friends. Personally I’m doing everything I can to make the day awesome for my maids

  17. CAL on | Reply

    This article should instead be titled, “10 Things To Be the BROKEST Bride Ever.” Whoever wrote this has clearly never been a bride herself.

  18. Kim on | Reply

    It works both ways. Both the bride and her bridal party need to work together to make the bride (and groom’s) vision come together. The bride chooses her bridal party from the people she loves and cares about the most, and they should love and respect her and want to work to bring that vision/dream to fruition.
    While I think that this is a good reminder to the “bridezillas” that they need to appreciate their bridesmaids and all the time and effort they put in to the wedding, I also feel that some of these things are definitely over the top. The bride has enough things to do and worry about without having to cater to a needy/demanding bridesmaid. Have fun, work together, and remember the day is a celebration of love, family, and friends.

  19. Bridesmaidzilla much? But you know, I don’t think anyone should be this demanding or high maintenance at the wedding, including the bride. It’s a very important day, but still…chill. Dare I say? The wedding day is not all about the bride either. It’s also about the groom, both of your families, and all the people who have loved and supported you across the years. And if you believe in God, him too. There are lots of messages coming at us from the wedding industry encouraging us (brides and bridesmaids) to be selfish, but just remember that it’s never good…on any day.

    • April on | Reply

      Cristina…that was the perfect reply to all of this. Be gracious, kind, and humble on ANY day and it will work out for everyone:) Beautifully written!

    • Mol Doll on | Reply

      Correct; however, THIS article is promoting bridesmaids to be demanding and selfish. Whatever position you hold in a wedding, you should not be demanding or selfish.

  20. Jennifer on | Reply

    After being maid-of-honor three times, it’s finally my turn as bride. I don’t think list is asking too much!! If the bride is pushing for a specific complicated hairstyle, then offer to pay for it. Otherwise be willing to let the girls do their own! As for the food & drink suggestion, that is totally reasonable. I was starving before two of the weddings I was in because nobody thought to provide food or drinks for us before the ceremony. And while expensive gifts aren’t necessary for bridesmaids, some sort of gift or thank you or just acknowledgement is!!

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      Most of them are doable and they don’t have to be all that expensive.

  21. Lisa on | Reply

    Exactly why I will not have a wedding party the second time around. Too much drama.

  22. Sharon on | Reply

    This is perhaps the tackiest article I have read all month. Please don’t forget that a wedding is about helping a couple celebrate the joining of their two lives. Lets not lose focus here, people.

    • kristie on | Reply

      Agreed, so tacky!

  23. Minnie on | Reply

    As stated already, these are just suggestions. Being a bridesmaid or maid of honor can be very stressful as you are trying to help out the bride as much as you possibly can while trying to maintain your own personal life and finances. Too often, brides get overly stressed out (or become bridezillas) to the point they forget that their bridesmaids have lives and other responsibilities as well. Sometimes, they are not going to be able to afford that fancy dress or able to go to the salon to get that fancy hairdo. If you want something over the top knowing that most of the people in your bridal party may not be able to afford it, then absolutely, the bride should chip in. And giving a thank you gift to your bridesmaids to show your appreciation for all the hard work, money, and dedication they have shown to you is not too much to be asked for. The writer didn’t suggest anything grandiose, but just suggested some things that would make the wedding not only great for the bride, but for those who are taken part in the celebration!

  24. Kate on | Reply

    The title is How to be the coolest bride and clearly, that just isn’t in the cards for most of you. When did becoming a bride entitle you to become super bitch? I understand it’s your wedding and you want the vision in your head to come to life before your eyes but we all know thats unrealistic thinking. It’s like getting a boob job and expecting it to magically fix your face…again, unrealistic. The list of suggestions are a way to guide you not to suck and maybe still have friends afterwards. Giving my bridesmaids gifts for being there for me, letting them give their input on dresses THEY HAVE TO WEAR ,and letting them plan the bachelorette party sound like easy ways to keep everybody happy (and keeps your girls from talking shit behind your back) Pampering them…AKA getting their hair,nails,and spray tans done for them while getting them a little boozed up on the day of sounds like a fantastic way to start out the party…..just throwing that one out there.

    • Cupcake on | Reply

      Seriously? If you are or have the kind of bridesmaids that talk shit about you behind your back because you don’t buy them everything and pay for all of their stuff then you need to be a better friend or have better friends. A wedding is about the couple starting a life together and basically taking everyone they know out to dinner. When you are asked to be a bridesmaid, you know damn well there are financial things that go along with that. I don’t give a shit about your spray tan why do I have to pay for it? The bridesmaid dresses for my wedding are being made from scratch and I payed for the fabric (roughly $40 a dress) for the 5 of my girls and I have a small gift for them but that’s all I can do. Get over yourself and stop acting like an entitled brat. This day isn’t about you and if you can’t find it in your heart to realize that, then you have no business accepting an invitation to be a bridesmaid. Women. I don’t hear guys as groomsmen being this uppity and self centered. Seriously.

    • Mol Doll on | Reply

      Hmm I have a feeling you have never organized a wedding?

  25. Krissie on | Reply

    Ok, im like the poorest bride ever and I really want to pamper my bridesmaids because I asked them to be bridesmaids not the other way around. But I couldn’t afford to pay for the bridesmaids dresses all on my own so I asked them to chip in and that seems to have solved a lot of problems. Do you have any advice on how I can still pamper them without spending a lot of money that I don’t have? :)

    • Jenn on | Reply

      You offered to help pay, even partially, for the dresses? That’s a wonderful thing to do, Krissie! I’ve been in several weddings and all of them had specific, expensive ($175+) dresses to wear, and no one ever offered that to us!

      Granted, it’s never expected that the bride will help pay for the dresses, but you should know that it’s probably a BIG deal to your girls and I’m sure they appreciate it very much. :-)

      Rock on, cool bride!

      • Scarlett on | Reply

        You’d think they would appreciate it but it really feels like don’t. I provided the bridesmaids dresses for my BMs.. And I have yet to have anyone say a word about it much less show appreciation. Some of them asked me even to help pay for their lodging or pressured me to get gifts for them. I am a poor bride! A full time student. :( its been very stressfull

    • Pampering ideas on | Reply

      Haha. I’m a poor bride, too! I definitely wanted to do something nice for them for being part of my day, too, so I offered to pay for their hair to get done however they want, but I’m also putting together little boxes of face creams/masks, lotions, nail polish, manicure kits, etc.–I call them “spa day” boxes!<3 I figured we can hang out and use them the night before the wedding. (I'm having a 'stay the night with the bride' the night before where we can hopefully all be together and calm any nerves I might have with some silly chatter and face masks. Haha.) Over the last few months, I've bought all the different products and probably spent about 20-25 bucks per box. I have 4 bridesmaids, so it totaled about 100 bucks for all my bridesmaids. I'm also going to write them each a thank you note for being my friend and for being a part of this important moment of my life.<3 I think simple and thoughtful is always the way to go with these things. c:

      • Trish on | Reply

        I am totally stealing that spa day box idea for my girls! How fun! Probably add a mini bottle of wine in there too ;)

      • Mol Doll on | Reply

        Anything you choose to do for them they will appreciate. There are some very selfish comments on here that are very upsetting. If they are true friends they will be happy for ANYTHING you do for them. I have been in wedding where brides did several things for me or just paid for one thing… either way I didn’t think of it AT ALL at the time- I was just appreciative to be involved. :)

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      That’s generous of you to chip in for the cost of their dresses because its generally thought that they pay for their dresses.

  26. Anna on | Reply

    This is a great list! A wedding is only as stressful as you make it, and doing something nice for your bridesmaids, (who are, by the way, doing you a favour by being your bridesmaid) is really kind, because brides tend to become these terrible people who think they can treat people they claim to care about like crap when they’re planning “their day.” Women need to never forget to be kind to those who are kind to them, and to ALWAYS treat one another with respect and compassion. The aforementioned type of treatment will breed animosity and on the brides’ special day, that negativity will show, and what should be a happy occasion will just be something that everyone just wants to be over.
    By the way, Kate, I love you and your mind!

  27. Nikki on | Reply

    I’ve been a bride and I’ve been a bridesmaid and maid/matron of honor several times. I don’t think that this list is so unreasonable. You can do little extra things to make the time that your maids are spending away from their families and other commitments a little more special and fun. A lot of brides are so single-minded and forget these people are sacrificing their time and money to make their parties and wedding day to be as special as it can be. I don’t think showing a little gratitude and being thoughtful is too much to ask of anyone. As another person said, these are your closest family and friends.

  28. Linz on | Reply

    This is a horrible list! I agree that you should be appreciative of your bridesmaids but this is over the top. I had 5 bridesmaids and I bought the skirts, shirts, and heels for them which I found at an amazing price. That was it. If you’re going to be a crazy, controlling bridezilla then you should expect to pay for those over the top things. That is the price of having the wedding the way you want it. But for normal brides, I don’t think you need to do most of the things on this list! It is YOUR day!

  29. hayl on | Reply

    i dont understand how anyone could see this as being demanding/needy/unrealistic. for a bride to meet these expectations would be around $100 and not being a mega bitch.
    the only expensive things on this list (trip to Vegas, paying for hair appts) are only suggested if the bride is absolutely demanding a certain trip/hair style. the little gifts arent pricey (monogrammed necklaces are like $10-20 on etsy, throwing together a hangover kit is easily less than $10)
    $100, a small time commitment and a laid back attitude doesnt seem like much to ask for when these ladies will be at your beck and call, helping you shop, helping you decorate, planning a bachelorette party, holding your hand through melt downs and so much more.
    getting married isnt an excuse to use and abuse your friends and then tell them to suck it up because its your day

    • Yes, yes, yes. on | Reply

      Thank God, I’ve found another sane person. All these girls keep whining about “OMG THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS! We are already spending SO much money on our wedding! The bridesmaids should just shut up, drop everything and be GRATEFUL and HAPPY to spend all their money on things for our wedding because it’s OUR day and the world revolves around us now that my fiancé proposed!”

      Ugh. Shut up. I’d HATE to have friends like these other bitches. We’re happy for you, we’re here for you. But that doesn’t mean you own me when I agree to be a part of your day. And if a bride assumes this, I will quickly bow the fuck out of that wedding. I’m your friend, you’re my friend–it’s your wedding day so OF COURSE you are the center of attention. Buying a pair of flip-flops or offering to pay for hair/makeup is not making the day about the bridesmaids. Not saying that I’ve ever personally expected the bride to pay for anything for my participation in the wedding–but, honestly, it would be nice. And anyone who disagrees with that is ridiculous. Just remember we’re your friends and we all still have bills and lives. We’re happy for your upcoming nuptials, but damn–I might have work or something going on so if you drop a DIY project on me at the last minute, I might not be able to make it and that shouldn’t make me a horrible bridesmaid. Sheesh.

      • Heather on | Reply

        Yes. As I was reading this list, I was thinking “this has some great ideas. I’m really glad I found this”. And then I got to the comments. This is exactly what is wrong with the world.

        It’s not “my” day. There are other people in the world, and they are sharing the day. I also have never thought of this as my day, it’s our day, the our being my fiance, our families, our friends…Thinking of it as only “my day” seems like the most selfish thing in the world.

        The only thing tackier than matching dresses is matching hairdos. Ugh. Hey, the 90s called and they want to know if they can come to your wedding, because they want to punch you in the face for stealing their ideas. Are you guys doing a garter toss? Matching bouquets? Let me guess, your first dance is Unchained Melodies or At Last? You kids wouldn’t know an original idea if it smacked you in the face.

        The only thing tackier than matching hair is spray tans and fake nails. Weddings like that make me want to vomit. I’ve been to a million of them, and I can’t remember one single detail except the food sucked, the music blew and the carpet was from the ugly rug store. The details I remember? The couple that had their wedding at a grange, with a classic New England clam bake. The couple that was married outside in the fall, and jumped over a broom as part of their ceremony. The couple that were married on the beach, with their 30 closest friends and family circling them. The couple that showed up on the boardwalk the day of their wedding and used potted plants from their house to decorate. The couple that had their post ceremony pictures taken with all of their guests, so they had memories of everyone they cared about. The couple that had a food truck cater.

        Having bridesmaids does not mean they are slaves at your beck and call. I’m honored that my friends will stand up with me and care enough about me to help me plan an amazing wedding to commemorate our love. I don’t expect them to buy me a gift, I’ll be making all their jewelry myself, I don’t want them to stress about getting their hair or make up or nails done. I want them to feel beautiful, and enjoy the day, and I am grateful just to have them in my life. If they glow, it will only make me look better.

        You all seem to be a lot if self-centered, lazy, conceited, selfish women that think the world revolves around you. I feel bad for your friends, and even worse for your fiances. You make me feel so much better about myself and my life. No matter what happens, I’m a better person that you.

        Perspective…get some.

      • Mol Doll on | Reply

        WOW… first of all it’s very classy to be referring to other ppl in your comment as “bitches” just b/c they differ in opinion. SOME of us have several bridesmaids that we are doing EVERYTHING in our power that we can afford to do for them; however, as bridesmaid (which I will also be this summer) I think it’s very selfish to be DEMANDING things from a bride. I will not demand things from my friend, who is the bride. I will do what I need to do for her and I will be respectful/appreciative. I love how women just love to throw around the word “bitch” to describe their fellow sex. VERY unfortunate.

        • Mol Doll on | Reply

          Oh and by the way, the “bitch” comment was for the previous poster. BUT you are still talking about how you are better than other people and how other ppl are having tacky weddings just because it’s not what YOU agree with. Makes me sick. If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your opinions to yourself.

          • Betta on

            Hahahaha @Mol Doll says “If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your opinions to yourself” when every other post is nothing but nasty comments about this article’s author’s opinions and suggestions. Honestly… this article isn’t saying shell out hundreds of dollars on your friends. The author is suggesting ways for a bride to show the friends and family she loves most in the world – the people she wants to stand behind her as she takes her vows – that she appreciates their support and help. Nothing like this topic to separate the crazies from the rational ladies.

  30. Liz on | Reply

    This is literally THE WORST post I have ever read and I think the author should STOP offering terrible advice. Ew. Actually you know what? I would love to be be in YOUR wedding.. I don’t have money for a dress, but I would like to pick it out like you said – it should be MY choice as a bridesmaid, also no money for hair or the bachelorette party ( hopefully you will pay for Vegas!!) and your right, your day or not I am not walking on the grass in my heels for you- your not worth it.. So I better have heel stops. Oh and in my box of presents, I like purple sunglasses not pink – sick!!! Oh and yes I am super busy your day ( once in a lifetime tho it is) is NOT more important than what I have going on.. So email your schedge at least 2 months in advance and I will see when I can bless you with my presence to do invites and what not. This sounds super fun for ME and alot of work and expense for you.. THANKS A TON, should be a super fun day for ME!!

    Yes, I am deleting this pin, duh.

    • This is by far the best reply to this post. Had me cracking up!

    • Tara on | Reply

      This reply is perfect hahaha

    • Mol Doll on | Reply

      Thank you- there are some crazy girls posting on here, so happy to hear this.

  31. Sheila on | Reply

    being a bride-to-be myself, i am soo grateful for what all my bridesmaids do for me and help me with whether it be invites all night long or last minute shopping trips. i have been a bridesmaid for a friend where we did next to nothing before the big day and she still gave us little kits for the day of, provided breakfast and snacks for throughout the day when getting ready and i dont remember hearing one complaint from her once! while i dont agree with all of the SUGGESTIONS on here, i do think some are very good ideas to do for my girls for everything they have done for me!

    • Grace on | Reply

      If you are bitching about needing money from the bride, why did you agree to be a bridesmaid? jeez.

      • Lexi on | Reply

        Because I come from Europe and didn’t know that in North America the bride would drag us all to the store at the same time and make us buy a $200 dress that her MOH liked! Because the bride wanted a big wedding with 6 BMs who are supposed to put forth the $200 just because it’s such an ‘honor’ to be in her wedding party! She can look for the cheapest bargain place to do the alterations for all of us, what a lovely gesture! She doesn’t give a damn about me, I don’t give a damn about her! She only asked me to be her BM for lack of anyone closer to her – why should I take this much $$ out of my pocket for pleasing her?? I was going to buy a $50 dress to my taste – now I HAVE to buy what the bride tells me to? Bullshit! This bride means absolutely nothing to me as a person. Am I a greedy bitch? I was called that already, couldn’t sleep for a month because of this, still can’t get over it. Geez… what ridiculous bridal ‘etiquette’…

        • Bow down beeshes on | Reply

          Sorry you had to deal with that Lexi. It truly is not warranted and it’s probably the reason she doesn’t have anyone close to her!!

        • Mol Doll on | Reply

          If someone asks you to be in their wedding and you don’t want to, you say “no”. Most of us only ask women to be in our wedding if they are close to us and happy to do so.

  32. catalina on | Reply

    i think the one that made me the most upset on here.. is number 9. Dont ask me last minute for my help… like why not ask.. why not just say dont be upset if i cant make it to help.. if i fear asking my bridesmaids for help… then there really not good friends (not saying if you dont show up your a bad friend, im saying if i feel like i can ASK you) when i asked my girls to be my bridesmaids i let them know they would have to pay for the dress and pitch in for before wedding events, but i also said we would be looking for resonable prices for everyone.. i understand this post is how to be a COOL bride.. but how about adding some suggestions that dont revolve around the girls?.. i honestly thought this post would be more about the wedding lol.. am i the only one? and also some cheap ways of being an awsome bride :).. guess i should make my own blog right haha

    • Mol Doll on | Reply

      If you can’t ask your bridesmaids for help last minute, who can you ask for help? Ridiculous.

  33. WOW! Some harsh brides (bridezillas?) commenting on this.

    I think its a great list. Yes, not EVERYTHING is do-able, but I think its important for brides to remember that bridesmaids are people too! I’ve been subject to so many brides just expecting SO MUCH from you. I love the “warn me about creepy groomsmen” and “introduce me to the other bridesmaids.” Lots of times you are getting together with an old childhood friend and you don’t know ANYONE else, and that sucks!

    Other than not being made of money, its a great list to be a considerate bride. Even if you can only afford cross 1 or 2 things off this list, its nice to BE NICE.

    • Ashley on | Reply

      I don’t think it is super harsh. I am not a bride, not engaged, never have been. I am a maid of honor helping my life long best friend. I think the person who wrote this wrote it with an attitude! Seriously, yeah if you want all the hair professionally done it would be nice to offer to help pay for it. But this… ” Trust us – there’s no way that we’ll figure out these ‘dos by ourselves, and you’ll be happier if we look just the way you want.” they are not even making an effort! And not to mention this one. “Don’t make me compete for your attention.” This is where they turn needy! Really I think this screams attention hog! Another commenter said she was starving before some of the weddings she was in because nobody fed her. If you are not smart enough to feed yourself that is sad! A lot of the things on the list would be nice things to do, like the gifts or the food, but to EXPECT these things as a bridesmaid is not fair! Although, I do think the warning about the creepy groomsmen is needed!

      • Heather on | Reply

        Yes, why would you expect to be fed. that’s as ludicrous as expecting to have access to water or to be able to use the restroom.

        Starving because you are not being fed means you are doing your job as a bridesmaid. You are attending to the bride when she needs you. A considerate bride would make sure that food was delivered to the prep room so you don’t miss out on cocktail hour.

        Seriously, I’m glad I don’t know any of you in real life. You all seem like terrible people.

      • Stephanie on | Reply

        Most of the people who commented on this are completely ridiculous. It’s actually proper etiquette for the bride to have a small thank you gift for every member of the bridal party, not just the maids but also the groomsmen.

        I completely agree with the article and when I got married I kept my nose out of the parties that my bridesmaids planned for me. That is how it’s supposed to be. If you the bride wants something like a trip to Vegas for your bachelorette party, then you should be willin to chip in, just like the article said. It doesn’t say you should pay for the whole trip, but chip in. Like pay for your portion of it. Maybe not even that much, maybe help pay for the room. I’m sure your girls would be happy to have a little of the expense they can’t really afford off of their backs. And if you can’t afford it either, then don’t go to Vegas. It’s simple really. Just because it is “your day” like everyone says, you cannot expect your friends to shell out that much money for a party for you. It’s ridiculous.

        Also giving your friends equal attention, is something you should do anyway. If you can’t, then maybe you should have fewer friends. Just because someone agreed to be in your wedding doesn’t mean that you get to treat them like dirt. They are your friends treat them like it.

        And finally all these it’s “your day” comments really piss me off. A wedding is about more than the bride, it’s about the groom and the wedding party, and your families and all of your other guests. The reception is not about you, it’s about your guests. When you throw a party it’s never about the host/hostess it’s about the people you invite. Yes they are all there to celebrate your love for each other. But that’s what the day is really about love, the love between your groom and you, the love your friends and family have for you, and you for them. Stop being selfish and look at it that way and I guarantee you will be less stressed, your friends and families will have a wonderful time, and everyone will remember how wonderful, and happy, and in love you were.

      • Mol Doll on | Reply

        Most of us understood what is proper etiquette; however, I think the most disturbing thing about this article is that some bridesmaids appear to only be accepting the position for the perks. Accept b/c you love the bride and want to be there for her, for NO other reason.

    • Christina on | Reply

      Wholly. Thank you who ever you are. I agree that the list makes sense. I’ve been a bridesmaid and had the list displayed to me by the bride. It’s respect not neediness to expect or want to so these things if you are a bride. And for those who constantly cry ‘it’s about the bride?’ Have you been a bride? I think you would think differently if have. It’s about the people you get to see and have fun with. Oh and of course your groom and starting you marriage.

  34. jen on | Reply

    Clearly made by someone who has never been a bride or bridesmaid. Get over yourself.

  35. Jana on | Reply

    Some of these things make sense, but I disagree with the bachelorette party one. As a bride to be I offered to help plan. I love my friends but I get uncomfortable pretty easily, I would hate to be anxious and not enjoy myself.

  36. Lola on | Reply

    A small gift would be nice and dinner to celebrate but I’m thinking thats about it. It’s the brides decision about how much she wants to do and how much money she has but I think that the bridesmaids do need to be mindful and respectful. It’s her day, not yours. Don’t get confused of you’ll end up being the bridesmaid from hell.

  37. db on | Reply

    Whoever wrote this has obviously never been a bride. This is the lamest list I’ve ever seen. “suggestions”…right. This should be labeled “I’m a spinster selfish bridesmaid who thinks the bride has an endless supply of cash.”

    • KK on | Reply

      So true! Whilst I have done some of the things on this list for my bridesmaids, it’s written in such a demanding way that it actually puts you off.
      I’ve been a bridesmaid too and spent a fortune on it but never made a big deal and had a great day.
      As a bride-to-be, I have enough to worry about catering for my guests needs, organising dress fittings and ensuring my bridesmaids are as comfortable and as happy as possible. I think that is acceptable as well as a thank you present and ensuring they are ok with everything but ultimately it is your big day and as long as you expect reasonable things from your bridesmaids, they should expect the same from you.
      I’m a bit concerned about the emotional wellbeong of the person that wrote this article.

  38. Lauren on | Reply

    Seriously?!? You are a bridesMAID, which means you do what the bride needs you to do, not what you think is cool. I’ve been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings (maid of honor in 5) and my wedding is this year. Never once did I EXPECT the bride to pay for anything. It was certainly nice when they did, and I much appreciated it, but I never expected it. If you don’t want to be there for the bride, then politely decline to be in the wedding party. This day is not about what the bride can do for you, it’s about celebrating your friend and being honored that she asked you to stand up with her on HER day.

  39. April on | Reply

    I think this is a great list and everyone complaining or ripping on it was probably a bridezilla. This post mostly likely wasnt intended to imply “you must do all of these things to make your bridesmaids happy”, just tips to pick and choose. Maybe choose one or two? Geez people, get a grip. I was just a bride and probably did atleast half of these without even reading. I actually even paid for each my bridesmaid dresses. They lady at the bridal store said she had never seen someone do that in her whole career. I thought that was crazy! I’m not rich nor did I “win the lottery”, but this is something that I wanted to do for my bridesmaids. I wanted it to be just as enjoyable for them as is was for me. Even though it my my day.

  40. lala on | Reply

    I have been a bridesmaid plenty of times and now Im a bride to be. I will of course make it best i could for my bridesmaids to afford things but we all know that it cost money to be a bridesmaid. If you are not able to afford it then kindly decline but I have payed my shares of money being involved in others special day now its their turn to spend a little on mine like i did for them. It’s the circle of friendship that you obviously don’t talk about you just do because you know when it’s your day they will do the same for you as you did for them on your big day. I agree with half the things, yes ill have mimosas in the AM but No I will not offer to pay for your papmering or vegas trip. What I did I am giving my bridesmaids a year in advance notice on my bachelorett party to save up so you don’t here anyone complain, if u still can’t make it it’s fine with me. No I will not buy you heal stoppers but I will get inexpensive stones for u to stand on during the ceremony so your feet don’t sink into the grass. Of course I will get you a gift that is our way of thanking you during our reversal dinner (that is common sense most brides do it anyway. I would have wrote this article a bit different no It’s not about you its about the bride Her wedding her decisions to make not yours but I will do my best to thank you along the way.

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      Why not have a bachelorette party close to home instead of a big trip? Also if you had a really good friend who couldn’t really afford the dress you picked out, wouldn’t you make sure that she could have the dress rather than have her not in the wedding? I would certainly make sure that I did that. You don’t want to make a friend resent you because of this.

  41. Em on | Reply

    This is good for a bride who DOESN’T want the attention she’s supposed to get. Making it all about the bridesmaids happiness is NOT the way a wedding works. Being a bride myself and having been a bridesmaid I know the bride wants the attention and should get it. Now that’s not saying the bridesmaid should be happy, but I asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding because I know they’ll help with whatever possible.
    Another point, the bride and groom are already paying for the whole wedding so unless the couple has a plethora of money there should be no reason the bride should pay for EVERYTHING for the bridesmaid. YES, she can help by not picking out dresses that cost and arm and a leg, and YES she can find a friend to do hair/nails for free or for a discount. But the bride should not be expected to do all of it by herself. If one bridesmaid can’t afford something then the bride may find a way to make it easier. But this blog makes the bridesmaids sound like crabby children who always want more more more.

  42. Tara on | Reply

    Yes this was a ridiculous article, I’m sorry. I’ve been a bridesmaid 5 times and loved it every single time without expecting a damn thing from the bride. Being chosen to be by their sides on their wedding day was enough, and I gladly did whatever they needed me to do, as they are my friends. I read this article out if interest because I’m a bride now. Every wedding I was in was different, and they all expressed gratitude in their own awesome way. I have never heard if an in happy bridesmaid? Hahaha or it could be that I don’t surround myself with narcissistic ladies ;)

    • Trish on | Reply

      I love your comment! I want you to be one of my bridesmaids in June! Haha

  43. I’m a bride now and I can totally relate to this post. I’ve been in plenty of weddings where it’s cost me a pretty penny to party but at the end of the day, we all had a great time and I still love my sister/friends/cousins. It’s just a reminder that everyone is in the same leaky boat and to try to make sure you don’t get too caught up in the madness that the wedding machine creates. Be gracious to your girls and they will be grateful to be a part of your big day. Plain and simple.

  44. Addley on | Reply

    Most of these suggestions aren’t so bad, but the tone and wording of the blog makes it sound demanding and not like a true friend that is in it to make the bride’s one special day better. Horribly written!! (“Shower us with presents”….seriously??? That sounds terrible and so needy!!)

    Two things I don’t agree with:
    #1 my maids will have to put up with wearing the color I pick out for my wedding because it’s a color scheme for the entire day. I mean, if a shade of blue looks better on some than others, that’s just tough because you can’t please EVERYONE. Maybe pick a color and let them have free will with styles of dresses in that exact color. We don’t need the added stress of maids whining about if the color looks good on them! We’ve already ordered invitations, flowers, and a cake in a certain color.

    #9 isn’t the point of bridesmaids to help with wedding stuff especially when things go awry? So if several things fall apart close to the wedding and you have to call up your closest girls last minute and ask for help, wouldn’t that be exactly what you need them for? They can say no of course if they had something specific to do already, but as a bride I don’t want to be “afraid” to call for last minute help!

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      If things go awry, that’s why you have mom and dad at hand. And I would make sure that its a colour that looks good on most people; hence why i wouldn’t choose a pale colour, nor would I do blue. And does everything have to match? Good grief; elope.

      • Texas on | Reply

        I’m a MOH in my sister and my best friends weddings that are coming up. Both of them are strapped for cash and lord knows I am too. My sister’s wedding is going to be blue and white and my best friend’s is going to be brown and white. If all the maids wear too different of shades in those colors, it just looks tacky that’s why I’m not averse to buying the $250 worth of dresses. Sometimes, yes. Everything does have to match. A better suggestion would be for the bride to make sure the bridesmaid’s are comfortable with their dresses and they’ll be able to wear them afterwords.

        Some people do not have the luxury of asking their parents for help. Some people have parents that are worse off financially or are non supportive… or just generally far away. This is what bridesmaids are there for, to help the bride when she needs it. You don’t pick your family. You pick your bridesmaids. If it was as easy as asking parents to join in when shit hits the fan, my best friend and my sister would just put their moms in the wedding party and call it a day.

  45. Ashley on | Reply

    Some of the things on the list are very nice and considerate ill agree but buying presents n getting their hair paid for is ridiculous. Lord knows a wedding is stressful.

    • Heather on | Reply

      You aren’t going to buy your bridesmaids a thank you gift??????

  46. Sara on | Reply

    I’m a bride-to-be and over the course of planning, I have little by little been putting together a day-of bag with their names on them and a water bottle, little emergency items and an embroidered hoodie for them to wear (because I’d like for the getting ready pics to be cute). And like I said, I’ve been doing this over the course of the year. I have picked pink as my color and I’m letting them choose the shade (as long as they all look good next to each other) and their style of dress. I’ve also hired a hairdresser to do my hair BUT I have let them know how much she charges for updos and I’ve ‘pinned’ a bunch of how-tos for doing their own up-dos if they don’t want to pay. I’ve also let them know how much the make-up artist charges so they can pay to have her do it or they can do it themselves. If I could afford to do all of this by myself, I would do it, but it’s kind of expected as a bridesmaid that you’re going to end up paying a little bit of money. I didn’t choose a maid of honor so that one person wouldn’t be left with more responsibility to handle. My wedding day is MY wedding day. When they get married, I will be more than happy to help them out and make their day special but for now, they have made the commitment and I will honor them for that but I won’t spend every penny I earn up until that point proving to them how thankful I am. I already asked them to stand beside me on the most important day of my life, obviously they know I love them. This article is totally off base.

    • Melissa W. on | Reply

      Personally you should pay for their updos, whether you like it or not. If I had to be in a wedding, I would want the bride to pay for my hair or she’s going to get my regular style, whether she likes it or not.

      • akdre on | Reply

        Melissa W, judging by the many comments you’ve posted on this article, I would NEVER ask you to be one of my bridesmaids.
        The last thing I need on such a stressful and expensive day is a self centered bridesmaid. Especially when you are supposed to be one of the brides close friends.
        Grow up!

  47. Irritated bridesmaid/bride on | Reply

    This list offends me as a soon to be bridesmaid AND soon to be bride. As a bridesmaid, my personal mission is to make sure the bride has her dream wedding, even if that means a little extra stress for me or spending some money on hair/nails. I am entirely prepared and happy to do this for her. I agreed to be in her wedding, and not once have I expressed to her my personal ‘wants’. My dress, hair, makeup, etc. will all be reflective of what she wants, and I am thrilled to do so. Every bride has a general idea in mind for their ‘dream wedding’, and as a member of the bridal party, you should do whatever you can do make that day a reality for this person you care about.
    As a bride, i have the same opinion in that it is ME and my FIANCES day. I found a cost friendly, classy bridesmaid dress that before purchasing, I strongly considered how it would flatter each girl’s body. They all love the dress, in fact my MOH was so happy trying it on she didn’t want to take it off and constantly talks about how she can’t wait for the dresses to arrive. Knowing the financial situation of our maids, my fiance and I surprised them by purchasing their dresses. Shortly after, I expressed that I want us all to go to a salon the day of, do a coffee run, etc. (again, the day is for the bride, I feel it is pretty within reason that she spends the morning of her WEDDING how she desires)..and to find out that one of the girls was complaining about paying for a hairstyle after I had just bought her dress and she told me her plans to get a mani/pedi to ‘pamper’ herself for the wedding, I was a bit offended. Cost is not an issue, as long as it is what she WANTS. While most brides do their best to accomodate their bridesmaids, this day is NOT about you, and if you accept the role of a bridesmaid, you should accept, smile, and do your best to make the bride feel like the most special person on their most special day. Get over yourself, if you accept the offer with the mentality that you are going to get to pick your own dress, have someone else pay for you to get pampered at a salon, and get showered with gifts, you are not thinking about WHY you are accepting the role. Enjoy the day with the people you love, and make sure the day is one that the BRIDE will always remember.

  48. Kate on | Reply

    Since when is the wedding all about the bridesmaids? A wedding is about the union of the bride and the groom. Yes, I will want my bridesmaids to be happy, but no, I will not “shower them with gifts” while I have an entire wedding, reception and honeymoon to pay for. Compared to all of that, a one night bachlorette party, a dress and a hair appointment is a piece of cake. If a bridesmaid ever demanded this of me, she would be out of the wedding.

  49. Wow this list made me sad. But most of the comments made me happy. Except for the ones who assume that bride + not made of money = Bridezilla. Uh no. Brides are more than likely paying for the wedding themselves, not a ton of parents do more than pitch in any more. If you know that your bride is paying for the wedding herself, do not complain about saving up a couple hundred dollars in the same amount of time that the bride is trying to save up a couple tens of thousands of dollars.

    Seriously, you sound like a Bridesmaidzilla. And it isn’t so much about what the suggestions are as is the way you said them (I know it’s your big day, and I want to help I really do, but I still care more about me).

  50. T in VA on | Reply

    Here is the best suggestion list you will get about your wedding:
    1. Have simple ceremony with only the people most important to you and your fiancee.
    2. Have a best man and maid of honor and that’s it.
    3 Spend your money on the party but keep it simple. It is about love and fun not who can out do all other weddings.
    4.Skip all of the above and elope on an island with just the two of you, or maybe the parents too if you must. You can always have a party when you get back to share with friends and family. It is about the two of you and not everyone else.
    5. Don’t expect so much of people – have fun but don’t expect people to do so much for you.
    6. Relax, enjoy, love.

    • Enya on | Reply

      Thank you!!

  51. Kathryn on | Reply

    This list is ridiculous!! Whoever wrote this must have never been a bride! The entire day is about the BRIDE and if a bridesmaid can’t handle that then they don’t need to be apart of the wedding party. The bride has just spent thousands of dollars making sure her day is perfect and is probably strapped for cash, asking her to spend more money on her bridesmaids (personalized gifts, heel stoppers, hair do’s) would just be putting more stress on the couple financially! If you want to dance in flip flops or wear heel stoppers bring them yourself!

  52. While it’s great there is some discussion going on, take it easy. It’s incredibly stressful to be a bride AND a bridesmaid. As I’ll be planning my wedding soon, I realize it’s quite expensive to plan your big day. I do expect my bridesmaids to help make the process as stress-free as possible, I don’t want them to be miserable. They are my closest friends and family. While I don’t plan on paying for them to get their hair/nails done, I will buy them small gifts. The blogger isn’t expecting brides to drop hundreds of dollars on each bridesmaid; that isn’t realistic when on a budget. If you look at the box pictured above, there’s an easy way to make everything inexpensive. However, each bride and wedding is different. It is about the bride, so make it what you want. You could do all of them; you could do none of them. These are merely suggestions.

  53. I know many have said it already, but I think these suggestions aren’t very good. Having been a MOH at one wedding and a bridesmaid at another, and now a future bride next year, expecting these things of your bride will make your time as a bridesmaid suck and stress your bride friend out.

    She has dreamed of this day for a long time. Suck it up and put on the dress she’s picked. Chances are she will choose something she likes AND thinks will look good on you. The only thing I can agree on is the heel stoppers. If you say yes to being a bridesmaid, don’t expect to be showered with gifts. Support your bride and enjoy the honour of being in her wedding party. If you start going in with demands, she will wish she had chosen someone else.

  54. Kelly on | Reply

    Well, I’m getting married this year and after reading this, actually, I think the list of advice is extremely fair. Remember that the people you’re asking to be your bridesmaids are your friends before anything else. Yes, they’re supposed to help with things, but should they drop everything going on in their own lives because you’re getting married? No. And to think that they should is being a pretty shitty friend, in my opinion. A wedding is important, yes, but so are your friendships. Myself personally? The only expectation I have of my bridesmaids is for them is to buy a matching dress and show up at the wedding, hair done and make-up fresh. (And yes, I am offering to pay for their hair to get done. Not in your budget? Cut some of your stupid flowers and make it happen. Them feeling important and cared for are more important than those fucking orchids.) And throwing a bachelorette party for you is a wonderful bonus, but not necessary and if your bridesmaids really can’t afford one, I definitely think it’s okay to ask the bride to pitch in (I mean, if she wants one that bad). Otherwise, a simple night with friends should do. Because that’s what your bridesmaids are first–your friends. You love them and THAT’S why they’re in your wedding. Not to be the bride’s *ahem* “bitch” as someone has written in the comments. Believe me, I know weddings are expensive, but I also know that I’M the one choosing how much I spend on it. Really, a wedding is simply a day where you marry the love of your life in the presence of family and friends. Get over yourself and show some appreciation for the people surrounding you. Don’t throw a wedding expecting everyone to now worship the ground you walk on. That’s fucking ridiculous.

    (p.s. Goodness. I ranted a bit. Seriously though, I’m so sorry the author is getting so much grief over this advice column. It’s mostly just saying to make sure you take time out to appreciate the help of your friends/sisters. Didn’t know people were so unwilling.)

    • HC on | Reply

      Well thank goodness for someone who makes sense! Everything you said is exactly what I was thinking while reading this. And yes I have been a bride AND a bridesmaid. And I’m already married so the whole notion that it will someday be my turn and so I should just suck it up is moot. I have been in several weddings and seen long friendships broken forever because a bride was a total narcissistic nightmare and treated her wedding party like crap. If you don’t have time or money to pamper your friends a little bit then you should’t be spending that much on your wedding. Weddings were not meant to be an excuse to freely act like a queen bee bitch for a day and it is NOT just YOUR day! I’m SO sick of hearing people say that! No wonder the divorce rate is 60%.

      • Guest on | Reply

        Do tell who’s day is it then???

        Cause it’s certainly not the bridesmaids day…

        • Lindsey on | Reply

          It’s the bride’s day, the groom’s day, the mother of the bride’s day, the maid of honor’s day, the groom’s Aunt Gertrude’s day, etc. etc. etc. If our wedding was all about us, we would elope on an incredible $50G month-long vacation instead. Weddings are for families and friends just as much as they are for the bride and groom. Everyone should feel special. Sometimes friends want to participate in the wedding party but don’t have the funds or time to accommodate the bride’s elaborate Pinterest-fueled dreams (guilty as charged). If I want a bridesmaid to have a particular braid from a particular hairdresser that is out of her budget, I need to figure out how to pay for it or I need to suck it up and let find a budget option. Demanding that she does everything I demand of her because “it’s MY day!!!” is selfish and a sure-fire way to alienate good friends.

    • Guest on | Reply

      My friends would never expect me to shower them with gifts and pampering….

      They would rather pamper me on my day then get their own hair done… And that’s why they are some amazing friends and I would do the same for them.

      Just because this list is poorly written doesn’t mean we are bridezillas

      And no, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice part of your vision (even if it is some flowers) just to “pamper” someone who chose to be there for you as a maid. They shouldn’t expect it either.

      Every bride is different and you need to change your tone about it.

    • Cupcake on | Reply

      Really? I need to cut down on MY wedding flowers and decorations to pay for YOUR hair? Get over yourself.

  55. Mikayli on | Reply

    All I read was, buy me this, buy me that. I didn’t realize the brides job was to keep the brides maids happy. Don’t agree to it next time…

  56. Nicole on | Reply

    Absolutely no. All this sounds like is what my bratty 14 year old sister thinks happens when you’re a bridesmaid. You are asked for a reason. No one said it was all going to be a big party where you can get a bunch of presents and get your way the whole time. Don’t like it? Say no. Most people have many friends and therefore many opportunities to be a bridesmaid however, you only get to be a bride once(hopefully). So yes, I think this article is ridiculous and overbearing. It is the bride’s day and regardless of how much you don’t want to shell out the extra cash for that crazy curly up-do, think about how much happier she is going to be when she knows that everything has fallen perfectly into place.

  57. Samantha on | Reply

    This is absolutely on the money post. If you cant treat the people in your bridal party like friends and family then hire some actors to be your bridal party slaves.

    The wedding is not only about the bride but the family she hopes to create and the friends that surround her with support when the wedding is over.

    You can afford strawberries and trailmix type snacks for your bridesmaids and $1 flipflops on the day of the wedding! Its a long day and the bride should eat as well. A sample kit of small gifts is very sweet and most likely to be cherished.

    If you want something extravagant you should help with paying for it.

    Think about the fact that you will drive your friends away by how you behaved in preparing for the wedding — do you want a wedding album full of faces of lost friends or people who are still part of your life.

    Please get over yourselves! Anyone who believes that its their day to pretend to be a princess or queen that everyone runs to their beck and call is mostly likely doomed to drive their FH away too.

    • Guest on | Reply

      You’ve obviously never been a bride…

      It is about the bride.
      She walks down the aisle
      She is given away
      She is changing her name
      She is joining with her husband to be
      Together they will be making a new family
      But weddings are a ceremony to show the bride to the groom
      To give the bride to the groom

      It is most certainly about the bride.

      • Heather on | Reply

        Maybe you should pull yourself out of the 16th century. I am not changing my name. I’m not being given away. I’m not being shown to my fiance like a piece of meat. I’m not being given to anyone. I’m my own person, and I not anyone’s property. You are what is wrong with the world today.

  58. never comments on things but could not ignore this one!!! on | Reply

    This is the most ridiculous and obnoxious thing I have ever read. I have been a bridesmaid several times and I am currently planning my own wedding. As a bridesmaid I knew I was there to help my friend in any way she needed. Not to be pampered and have things bought for me!! Now that I am planning my own wedding I realize now how much there is to do. Clearly whomever made this list has never planned a wedding because otherwise they would know there are so many other expenses and things to remember besides making a hangover kit for your bridesmaids after your bachelorette party and wedding!!! I would never expect anyone to do half of these things. A wedding is about the bride and groom and celebrating their day not making sure their single friends are hooked up together in the wedding party!

    As for an above comment on skipping out on flowers to pay for hair and makeup for your girls so they feel pampered are you kidding me! That would be the day as a bridesmaid I would want my friend to not have flowers for her wedding so she can pay for my hair and makeup!! I told my girls if they would like to get hair and makeup done I will schedule everything and make the deposits but it is definitely not mandatory. I wish I had extra money for things like that but in reality if you have 4 or 5 girls who has an extra 500 bucks to spend on hair and makeup and thats not including your own.

    If a bridesmaid expected all this and a gift for being in the wedding I honestly wouldn’t want to be friends with that person or have them in my wedding!

  59. ashton on | Reply

    wow….this is just awful. im no where near being a bridesmaid or getting married myself but i already know how im going to treat my bridesmaids and i want them to treat me the same way — with RESPECT, which this article hasnt “suggested” once. the day is about the bride, keeping her calm, and giving her minimal things that will stress her out. if you want to know the other bridesmaids, YOU plan the lunch. if you truly know the bride, then you will know what she will hate and/or like as a bachelorette party idea. this is a really stupid list and sounds like a bridesmaid is bitter because shes not the one getting hitched. if i was ever handed this when planning a wedding or being told these things as a bride, be ready to grab you purse and i hope you know where the door is because you’ll be leaving just as quickly as you entered.

  60. AElizabeth on | Reply

    As someone who’s been the maid of honor and am now the bride-to-be, I was conscious of what I asked of my bmaids. This list, because of the way it’s worded, makes the bridesmaid seem like a needy, self-absorbed snob. Regardless of what you think, it IS all about the bride. As the bride, I took into consideration the cost of the girls dresses, I found the cheapest, best makeup artist and hair stylist I could find. I didn’t tell my bmaids they HAD to get their hair and makeup done, but I found people within a reasonable price range for those girls who wanted to have it done. I took into consideration the shoes, but just because they liked it, didn’t mean that’s what I chose. I didn’t ask them to buy hideous $1000 dresses or the world’s most ugly uncomfortable shoes. I didn’t ask them to go to Vegas. I will provide food while getting ready because I know I’m gonna be hungry, as well as beer and food on the party bus, but that’s me. This list needs to be revised and re-worded. When you’re asked to be a bridesmaid, you have the option to say NO. When you say yes, you know what it entails, and you know what kind of friend you’re saying yes to. If you know your friend is gonna be a straight up bridezilla, kindly decline. And yes, if your bride is asking you to drop loads of money on hair and dresses and shoes, how about you just talk to her. If things are out of your price range, you have to let her know. She’s not a mind reader. Be up front. Don’t be rude, but just let her know. If you’re a bridesmaid who’s NEVER been the bride, you’re probably not going to understand the amount of stress she’s under, but she’s envisioned this day for her whole life. And for YOU, as a bridesmaid, it’s all about the bride, not the groom, you’re not a groomsman. You’re there for her, to support her. If you’ve never been a bridesmaid before, do your research before you say yes, and take into consideration that kind of bride your friend is going to turn out to be.

  61. Kaela on | Reply

    Hmmm… I didn’t find this as offensive as everyone else I guess. “Shower me with gifts” is super excessive, but I think a lot of these are “if you need this” etc. type of suggestions. Like the hair one, I paid for my hair as a bridesmaid, but it was an optional thing. I could’ve done my own hair, I just chose to participate because it added to the fun of the wedding and I had the money for it. If you have bridesmaids in college working part time, or who are just starting out, or who are between jobs etc. it really is a lot to ask to expect $250 dresses & a bachelorette party in Vegas to be realistic financially. Knowing your bridesmaids financial situations is important. If you are in love with pricey bridesmaids dresses and absolutely need a full blown vacation instead of a night on the town for a bachelorette party, then yeah, it is nice to either offer to help or give your bridesmaids a few more options.

  62. Christine on | Reply

    Wow. How selfish can you get. I’m glad my bridesmaids are NOTHING like you. Loosen YOU up?! You aren’t the one getting married. I’m glad I’m not your friend. Bridezillas are definitely uncalled for but all the things you are saying in this post is just extremely selfish. The event isn’t about you and how much fun you want to have. It’s about the bride and groom and celebrating their love and the next step taken in their lives so if you can’t handle that then you are just jealous you’re not the one getting married. Keep this post in mind when you finally do. We’ll see how much YOU actually fulfill. By the sounds of it, you are going to flip it around and expect all this as the bride.

  63. Carly on | Reply

    I’ve never been a bride and I’ve only been a bridesmaid twice for my mother and then my best friend. I just want to clear that up because I read many of these comments who think everyone who think this list is ridiculous is a bridezilla. I think it’s a little needy on the bridesmaid part. While I agree with some of the points the way it was written makes it seem like the writer is expecting all of things to happen and if they don’t you’re automatically not a cool bride. Granted, I’m sure that was unintentional and she’s just coming off wrong but I completely agree that the day is about the bride. When my best friend got married I had to buy two dresses because she changed her mind and the first one was non-returnable. Did I complain? No. Deal with it. If you want the bridesmaids wearing the same dress so they match then you can do that and still expect them to pay for it. Did nobody see 27 dresses? Were there any nice dresses? Everyone expects bridesmaids dresses to look ugly and you’re going to busy. Weddings are a lot of work and if you aren’t ready to do that without the bride holding your hand and solving all of your problems then you need to never be a bridesmaid.

  64. Maria on | Reply

    I thought the article had some great points and don’t understand all the negative comments . I have been a bridesmaid a number of times and am currently planning my own wedding . I asked the girls to be in my bridal party because bridal party because each one is a dear friend of mine. I don’t want them them to spend money they don’t have and am trying to be very mindful of what I ask them to do . I found pricey dresses so I’m subsidizing part of the cost for all the girls . I gae them each survival kit when we went dress shopping. I made my hair/make up trial appointment 2 months in advance and coordinated the date with my MOH who I want to attend . I think being considerate is an important quality and getting married doesn’t give you an excuse to act demanding and selfish .
    O and the girls are taking me to Vegas though I did not insist or ask for the trip :)

  65. As a Wedding Photographer all I ever see is a group of girls/women who are as excited as the bride, just excited to be there, watching her get ready for her big day – the whole room buzzing with nervous energy and everyone with massive smiles on their faces.

    I think it would be a much different picture if there were girls lounging around in a dress they had picked, mouthful of snacks and champagne, with a facemask on and totally disinterested in the bride.

    It’ll be a sad, sad day when weddings become like the one above.

    Although saying that, I just think this article has some terrible word choices and makes the ‘Bridesmaid’ sound bratty and spoilt. One or two of the less expensive suggestions I’ve seen at weddings i’ve shot – like the mother of the bride happily making brunch for all the girls in the kitchen, or little inexpensive gifts to show your appreciation!, or one of the other bridesmaids learning to do the hairstyle and doing it on everyone!

  66. Erin on | Reply

    Whoa! I’m almost speechless! Two things:

    1. Did you forget the meaning of the word bridesMAID!?!?! MAID!!!! MAID!!!!!!!!!!!

    2. You should have read “The BridesMAID Guide: Etiquette, Parties and Being Fabulous” by Kate Chynoweth prior to publishing this. This book will help you rediscover the meaning, purpose and roles and responsibilities of the bridesMAID!

    • Lindsey on | Reply

      I have heard at least 3 girls shout this same BS on “Bridezillas”; this is such a archaic statement I can’t even stand it.
      Maybe you should learn the meaning of the word before you start over-punctuating about it. The “maid” in “bridesmaid” means “young woman”, not “domestic servant”. YOUR BRIDESMAIDS ARE NOT YOUR F#*@ING SERVANTS, PEOPLE.

  67. Cara on | Reply

    This is totally ridiculous enough to ruin anyone’s idea of getting married. It is about the bride and if someone can’t suck it up for one day for you for one day then move along you shouldn’t be standing next to me. Loved most of them comments glad I’m not the only one that feels this way.

    • Heather on | Reply

      The comments were enough to make me sick and reconsider my wedding plans. I’m sad that there are this many superficial women in the world, that do not value their friendships enough to treat their bridesmaids with respect.

  68. Sara on | Reply

    Isn’t the key to a good bride/bridesmaid relationship just flexibility? I can’t afford for to pay for my bridesmaids dresses, or hair. So my bridesmaids know they will be buying their dresses and shoes. I am not going to expect them to pay for their hair and make up. I want their dresses to fit in with my color scheme, but if they each find a different style and they coordinate, great! I want to go on a cruise for my bachelorette party, but I recognize it’s expensive. I’ve told my bridesmaids in no uncertain terms that I will pay my own way and that I would of course understand if any of them couldn’t afford to go. If a bridesmaid truly has these expectations, she will make it extremely difficult for the bride. All of my bridesmaids are amazing women who would do anything I asked. If a bride is reasonable, the bridesmaid should be willing to do what the bride wants. This list is a little “bridesmaid-zilla”.

  69. Shannon on | Reply

    I am a bride and I love these ideas. I appreciate everything my girls have done for me and I want them to know it! Loved having the ideas. I WAS also part of a wedding where the bride wasn’t thinking about our thoughts or feelings, making it feel like we were employees rather than friends. Sadly to say we are no longer friends.

  70. T on | Reply

    Some Girls dream about their big day for years, it’s a little selfish to then expect them to change their own plans for a bridesmaid. The bridesmaids job is to support. If this was a lovely list written FROM a bride to her MAIDS it would be far less ridiculous. These expectations are possibly why you have not been a bridesmaid. Weddings are (almost always) lots of fun and memorable, just roll with it.

  71. Ava on | Reply

    This is horrible. Can you imagine what this girl is going to be like when she gets married? If she demands this much as a bridesmaid…yikes.

  72. I think this will make me spend a lot of money. I prefer to keep the budget small so this article is not suitable for me.

  73. Katie on | Reply

    This article is just absurd. I am getting married in a few weeks and my entire budget is under $500.00 I do not have the money to go about treating all 4 of my bridesmaids like queens when I can’t afford to do it for myself! No realistic bride would ever leave their girls with massive expenses anyways, so this is just an absolutely ridiculous list.
    For my girls I made them up little boxes that I filled with a couple of truffles, a nail polish that matched my colours, handmade earrings for the wedding, a ring and a necklace. They now get to chose an accessory to wear that matches my peacock theme with no extra expense to them. How did I pull off the boxes with my little budget? I ordered the jewelry off eBay for about a buck a piece. Is it the greatest? No but it’s no different then from any chain accessory store. I bought an affordable reliable nail polish for $2 each and bought the boxes at winners for $5 a box. I bought the items over a 1 month period and ended up spending $10.00 per girl including taxes!
    Then I found my bridesmaid dresses at of all places…. Walmart! They are gorgeous, the right colour and were $30.00 each!!! You would never believe we got them from Walmart. Now their only other expense is everyone splitting the cost of the hotel the night before the wedding.
    So don’t go saying I’m not a “cool” bride. I am taking care of my girls and I do not need to be dropping all my unexsitant dough to do so.

  74. Sarah on | Reply

    Why does this whole thing have to be so “brides vs. bridesmaids??” I’m getting married next year and have never been a bridesmaid, but I’ve thought so much about how I can make things easy on my bridesmaids. However, I do believe that expecting the bride to pay for you to get your hair done is excessive. When I’m paying for food, drinks, sandals and the rest, what would be $50 per person is adding on a few hundred dollars to my budget. There need to be limits on what brides and bridesmaids expect of each other.

  75. Kylee on | Reply

    Clearly the author of this list has not been a bride before. I would definitely not want her in my wedding party adding excess stress. a wedding is about the joining of two families in the presence of those you love and no one should take away from that with expectations of lavish gifts and large monetary help from the bride. It is, of course, always nice to feel appreciated by a small gift and thank you from the bride, but be sure to think about where the bride is at financially and understand that they are doing what they think best and it is their day.

  76. Kass on | Reply

    I really am baffled by the comments suggesting that any bride who doesn’t agree with this list deserves to be called a bridezilla. Granted, I told my girls to pick their own dresses and told them to be blue, and I had no problem with them picking their shoes and hair/makeup, but even if I had requested something more expensive, the cost for one bridesmaid to pay for those things herself would still be 1/7th of what it would cost me to pay for all of them. I fully believe in being a considerate bride, but I am still not going to shower anyone with gifts. I simply cannot afford it. I will also feel perfectly fine telling my girls the kind of thing I would like to do for my bachelorette party. Why? So I don’t feel overwhelmed by being dragged into a bunch of bars in the stressful few days before my wedding. That’s called communication. Some food, some small gifts and a commitment to have their back during the big moments of their lives is the name of the game. That doesn’t make me a bridezilla.

  77. Amanda on | Reply

    Woahh people. It’s a list of suggestions, not a dick; don’t take it so hard.

    I’m glad I’ve never had to deal with any of you drama queens. Sure, the article may have been over-the-top and exaggerated, but I believe the moral of the story is that even though it may be your wedding day, your bridesmaids are still people who have to work, pay bills, etc. and it would be kind of the bride to show some appreciation. Yes, your bridesmaid should help you out in every way they can, but their life isn’t stopping because you’re getting married. They are not your “slave”, “bitch”, or “maid”. They are supposed to be your friend who agreed to help you out because they care about you.

    Get. Over. Yourselves.

    Bitches…

    • Guest on | Reply

      Not our maid???

      It’s called brides”maid” for a reason…
      They do what they can, including carrying our dress so it doesn’t drag the ground…

      Traditionally, yea they are the brides bitch’s

      I’m glad my maids are less frigid and vulgar. They would do anything for me and on their day I would for them.

      • Heather on | Reply

        The bride’s “bitch”? Seriously? Anyone that would say that is a foul human being.

  78. Nelly on | Reply

    I think some of these ideas are quite cute and true (1,6,7)but i think the excessive spending in this list is a bit much, weddings are expensive enough without showering presents on the bridesmaids, paying for their hair treatments, paying for the hen do; after all, it’s the bridesmaids duty to make the bride as happy as possible, not add to her stress!

  79. Victoria on | Reply

    This was obviously written by someone who has never been the bride themselves. Any previous bride would be more then happy to bend over backwards and forwards, as a bridesmaid, knowing what it is like to plan and have a wedding.

    • Victoria on | Reply

      mind you I did all of this and more for my bridesmaids, but I wouldn’t expect this as a bridesmaid.

  80. Sarah on | Reply

    This post infuriated me. Thanks a lot for making me feel even more anxious about my wedding! I am officially UN-asking all of my bridesmaids tomorrow, and planning a whole new wedding that is just my fiancée, myself, and a justice of the peace. Know why? Because it’s MY DAY and I would rather die than put myself and the man I love through all the drama. Thanks again, you should quit blogging yesterday.

    • Ashlee on | Reply

      LOL!
      You really cancelled all of your wedding plans because of an article??
      You are an idiot.
      Are you sure you are mature enough to even be getting married?

  81. Sarah on | Reply

    I think this post is absolutely ridiculous! As a bride, my bridesmaids were there in full support of me and paid for their dress, hair, shoes, and bachelorette trip. I gave them wedding day kits and a bracelet to wear that day. This is traditional and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it because we all have to do it at some point. I was not a super bitch or bridezilla, nor did I ask them to drop their lives to help me plan my wedding. My sister, my MOH, helped me the most and planned the best Beale Street Bachelorette Bash ever, and the other girls just put up with my ranting phone calls and came when it was time for festivities. They even kept each other in check on the big day and made sure no one was causing undue stress to me or drama. I heard about this after the wedding. There is no need for any bride to read this and take it to heart. I had so much good help during my wedding process and the big day was perfect. You are going to be nice to your girls and your man’s guys. Don’t worry about this going over the top nonsense to cater to your bridesmaids on YOUR wedding day!!

  82. pink lady on | Reply

    i like this idea of mismatching bridesmaid dress, its unique and work for bridesmaid budget.

  83. Isla on | Reply

    First off, you guys are getting WAY too agitated by this list. They’re just fun things you COULD consider doing for your ladies if you had the funds and/or time. This is what’s wrong with weddings! If all you brides out there are so miserable then why even have a wedding? How often are you going to gather the most important women in your life together just to celebrate you and your love? There’s no crime in being kind in whatever way you can. Don’t go into debt by purchasing breakfast for your ladies but do be thoughtful of others.

    Secondly, I think this list really depends on how big your wedding party is too. I’m the only person in a bride’s wedding party right now (the MOH) so the amount of time I spend helping is much greater than if it were spread out to several maids and that’s completely fine. I’m happy to help and do whatever I can to make her day easier and special. I also fully agree I should pay for my own dress and shoes but I do think it’s an appropriate gesture for the bride to pay for the hair and makeup (especially since I’m only one extra person). If the bride wants you to look a certain way and you’re not a salon pro then it’s up to her. It’s also a perfect way to say thank you to your maids for putting up with your drama and helping as best they could. Pay to have just one person come in the morning of the wedding and do it for everyone. I think that’s an acceptable “thank you gift” in place of buying them breakfast or jewelery etc.

    Lastly, yes weddings are expensive and stressful but no one has a gun to your head! It’s an optional expense YOU CHOSE to take on so work it into your budget and quit whining. Think about the costs your wedding party takes the hit for like maids dresses, tux rentals, wedding gifts, wedding shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties etc. If you get this high strung over the “happiest day of your life” then good luck in your marriage. Stress will happen so use it as a tool and learn from it. BREATHE!

    PS.
    I guarantee the groom’s side isn’t having these hissy fits and fighting with each other. Try to chill out and enjoy it. If you do it right it’ll only happen once.

    • Guest on | Reply

      Who said anything about being miserable….

      It’s about being a loving and considerate friend.
      Not a gift grabbing greedy person who just wants everything done for them.

      None of my maids would act this way
      But I am considerate enough to be doing some of these things without being told to do so…

      Weddings are stressful, and I trust my bridesmaids to ease that stress for me by helping me any way they can!!

    • Ashlee on | Reply

      Thank god someone on here sounds level-headed and reasonable. It’s all about moderation and not taking advantage of your friends!! Yes, they’re their to help you but not put their lives on hold.
      I’m glad some women know how to read between the lines of an article and not take it word-for-word! :-)

  84. Tyla on | Reply

    The person who wrote this article has never been a Bride. Your turn will come.

  85. Megan on | Reply

    Narcissism at its best. This bridesmaid or whoever wrote this article has serious issues. You’re a bridesmaid to one of your best friends; being happy for them is kind of necessity. This is not ‘bridesmaids day.’ Clearly jealousy has gotten the best if you…so instead of writing this list, go meet a man so you can shower your bridesmaids. This person is delusional.

  86. Melissa W. on | Reply

    If a bride ever asks me to pay for my hair, she better be prepared to pay for it cause I would show up with my regular do.

    • Guest on | Reply

      So even if she asked you… You’d just ignore it and do what you wanted anyway??? A bridesmaid is a financial commitment too… I’m glad I don’t have a bridesmaid with your attitude…

  87. Melissa W. on | Reply

    Most of these are doable and not over the top (the Vegas trip could be and maybe if you can’t go there, organize a trip to an interesting place nearby to minimize costs). True, I have never been a bridesmaid or bride, but honestly if you can do some of these things like if you want the maids hair in a specific way, you can either reimburse them for a portion of the cost or try to get some sort of package in which you can get a wedding party in to get the hair done in the morning. And remember the maids have purchased the dress for your wedding and have had it tailored to their specific measurements and unless its something that they would want to wear again, they probably won’t. Trust me, if a bride gave the first option, I would probably just either buy something online or in a store, as I couldn’t really afford the $150 dress from a brides store, as I am on a fixed income and most of my money goes either to rent or to food and not much else can be spent on much else. Your dresses don’t have to matching. And remember you have asked them, not ordered them to be a part of your day. Big difference. And remember your maids do get hungry while waiting for you to get dressed and may have not had much breakfast before going to get ready. And if things go wrong, you can always ask your parents to do the negotiation because I could imagine most of you couldn’t afford most of the stuff that you would like at the wedding if you had to pay for it yourself.

  88. Guest on | Reply

    I’m currently a bride and am trying to plan on some of these suggestions…. But seriously, if any one of my maids asked me for multiple gifts or to fork over money for their part of the bachelorette (which they plan), I can assure you we would have issues…

    I am planning a trip but I am paying for the room we are staying in, nothing more. I am also looking into packages for their hair, but I don’t intend on paying the full amount for it… If I can’t afford it, then yeah they will just be doing each others hair the day of…

    A considerate bride would think about breakfast or lunch before the festivities, rather than a “cool” bride.. I mean, why let you and your friends starve Hours before the wedding???

    I wouldn’t ever just give a color palette and send my maids off to do whatever they wanted with dresses!! There should at least be some form of suggestion to what the brides vision is. That’s kinda lazy to me… “Here go do it yourself”…
    I have gone to try dresses on with my girls but I am still letting them pick what they like and not necessarily what I like in terms of style… Because after all, I’m not buying it.

    Getting together before the festivities for everyone to meet is a great idea… But don’t be expecting me to buy 7 meals. It’s not my job to feed you on that outing.. If you can’t afford it, don’t eat or don’t come. My feelings won’t be hurt…

    I agree with not doing things last minute… That’s just inconsiderate. And my bridesmaids are spread out from NC to 4 hours away in ATL and then here at home in Savannah… It’d be a bit much to expect them to plan last minute to be here….

    The groomsmen thing…. Get your own man… Seriously it’s not my job to make sure you have a hook up that night…. I’m your friend and the bride, not your pimp.

    Basically this isn’t so bad, if you just look at the reasonable requests, but my god if my bridesmaids were this needy I wouldn’t have any…. We can’t pay for everything for you just because you chose to say yes to being a bridesmaid…. You should never expect so many gifts and crap for being there for a friend, that’s just greedy…. I’m planning on some super awesome gifts for my maids…. But if they were to sit there and ask me for them, or tell me they expect certain gifts…. There’s gonna be a problem… This poster has obviously not been a bridesmaid or bride before, if you have, then your priorities are crazy…

  89. Carol on | Reply

    This is just a few suggestions if the bride wants to do something for the bridesmaid. These are not all mandatory. The bridesmaids all know that it is the Brides day. The bride may want to do something sweet as a way to say thank you and this may be some suggestions.

  90. SB_Australia on | Reply

    Wow. Bridesmaid-zilla!
    I do agree that heel stoppers are an absolute necessity if warring heels on a lawn. I wish I had known about them for my wedding (many years ago now so perhaps they did not exist). I went to a wedding recently where there was a table near the gate between the car park & the outdoor ceremony location that had lovely little hand fans, heel stoppers & spray on sun screen…it was a good idea!

  91. Durden on | Reply

    I think this is just a snarky/over-the-top list. Seriously… we all know what the day is about: marriage, love, etc. and yet we still continue to have all these crazy debates. I wish everyone would get married in private and have a party if they desire. That’s what I wanted to do. Get married with maybe my immediate family in attendance and have a hoo-haw afterwards. But of course, momzilla and aunt minions took over and moved my wedding across the country to accommodate my family (never mind my in-laws and other family members who live far away), and lectured me about etiquette, etc, etc. Here’s the truth: I just wanted to get married to my husband and so I just let them take over. I even got crap from my family when I was just trying to find inexpensive alternatives for dresses and tuxes for the bridal party. They insisted that I have to pay, so I did. I paid for the tuxedos, rented beautiful gowns, let the bridesmaids pick out their shoes and I bought it, paid for their mani/pedi, hair and make-up, and air-fare for my out-of-town MOH. They were my cousins and best friend and all I really needed was their emotional and mental support, which they gave willingly. I didn’t expect a gift (which none of them got me) and I got a very cheesy bachelorette party that another friend threw. At the end of the day, whatever. I am happily married.

    NOW, I am the bridesmaid for my sibling who was one for me. The one that also insisted that it is proper etiquette to pay for clothes, etc. (cultural thing). And guess what??? I am paying for my dress, which by the way the lovely bride had zero interest in finding, so I had to go about searching for one and trying on multiple dresses until I sweated off 10 pounds. It was also announced that we’d be paying for our own hair/makeup, etc. It’s comical really, because I was given such a hard time about it at my wedding. I have spent:

    $800 on airfare for party
    $1500 for my family to come out.
    $350 for the whole get-up
    $200 for one hotel night (that’s all I can afford)
    tedious tasks that ate up my life, “write the intro to every attendant as if it’s coming from me” for their website, etc. etc.
    2 weeks of my vacation time (literally, every day was spent on them running errands.) just for the time I’m actually there, not counting the many other time consuming crap I did while not at their wedding.
    $1000 for wedding gift. (it’s outrageous but my crazy parent said this is what I HAVE to give.)
    $200 new suit for hubby that he has to wear

    Anytime I say anything my mom scolds me and says that this is the time I have to be there for my sibling.

    Call me crazy, selfish, or what have you, but being asked to be at someone’s side to do their bidding for over a year is ridiculous and NOT an honor. The honor is to the bride and groom who have friends and family willing to be their servants and spend so much money to please and impress them. I can’t even fit all of the crazy things I was asked to do. I get that we are two different people and have different expectations, but I’m pretty sure we can all agree that weddings are CRAZY and bring out the CRAZY in people. It’s just a wedding! It really is! If you have a child, that will become the best day ever. The real work comes after your magical day.

  92. Lola on | Reply

    I’ve only been a bridesmaid twice and both times I had to travel and work my butt off and be the only single girl in the bridal party. I offered my professional services for free for both brides ( who were also family ). I don’t feel that I was taken for granted or not treated properly, but when I get married, I plan on having mostly family in the wedding party. They helped me through being single and through my relationship, I want them to continue to help me through my marriage. I see treating them as princesses to be both a thank you and an investment in our future relationships. I doubt that I can afford all that was suggested in this post but I’m sure I could create some doable alternatives. It’s all in how you view what a wedding is and what it’s purpose is. For me, holding a wedding is going to great lengths to include friends and family in your celebration, your future as partners. If it was only about me then I’d just go to the courthouse and maybe film it for anyone who was interested. I see the wedding as spending a lot of time, money and energy on the people you love and as witnesses. I love this post because it suggests creating a whole experience for your best girlfriends/ female family members, one that you would all enjoy and never forget. Again, as the single girl who traveled far and gave so much, it would have even more amazing to have been treated as if my relationship with the bride was precious and that their wedding was just one more life event that we would see each other through.

  93. Dee on | Reply

    This list is terrible! But this list sounds like some of the things I’ve heard my bridesmaids say and honestly I am regretting asking them to be my bridesmaids. I’m not being bridezilla by thinking it’s “my day”. In fact I feel like a BURDEN just asking them for the simplest things because of how needy, demanding and flat out mean they are. Bridesmaids are supposed to be helpful, not be more demanding and cause more stress on the bride.

  94. Lauren Strahm on | Reply

    I’m so relieved that I’m not the only one that thought this article was obnoxious! Last time I checked the job of the bridesmaid is to make the bride’s life easier…not the other way around. Showing your appreciation is great obviously, however, if a bride cannot afford to lavish you on HER big day don’t throw a fit. Whoever wrote this should really get over themselves. I’ve been a bridesmaid in a few weddings and I have never expected anything of this nature in return.

  95. Lauren on | Reply

    I love these ideas! Cute name necklaces too – where are they from?

  96. Cupcake on | Reply

    This post has made me so thankful for the girls in my life who accepted my bridesmaid request. They are so low maintenance and understand that I’m paying for this wedding myself. I don’t have family to help me out. While I agree that some of the ideas are cute, the wording is bitchy and unrealistic. If your bridesmaids are really like this, then you need new friends. I payed for a portion of their dresses (we’re having a Halloween wedding and I knew what I wanted already) Thankfully all the girls are in love with the dress and it’s also a dress they will get to wear to a lot of other events. But I’m super laid back about my wedding plans and I negotiate things with the girls to see where they are coming from and what they can or cannot do. I would never make these kinds of demands in either situation though. It bothers me how we live in such an “entitled” world. Whatever happened to being selfless?

  97. krysta on | Reply

    well I like to think I have tried my best to be a cool bride and I don’t think it work, planning my wedding has been the full on things I have and roller coast. and i’m still a bitch. I understand how hard it is to be a bridesmaid. just hole one there well understand.

  98. ali on | Reply

    what a stupid article. get over yorself BRISEDMAIDzilla. its not about you…

  99. Leah on | Reply

    Some of these are nice. I agree with the others who say that the wording is the problem. It’s so super pretentious.

    This list makes me happy for the girls I have in my wedding. I have no sisters or close family girls, so it’s five friends who are all awesome. They’re at different points in their lives in all ways, especially financially.

    So, that being said, how about rather than paying for all the specific things you want, just loosening the reins a little on what they HAVE to do. I’m not paying for my girls’ hair and make up, but then again, I’m not requiring they get it done. Whatever makes them happy. Same for the shoes they wear, and jewelry. Whatever, wear what you will feel great in and what you can afford.

    My bach party? I’m pitching in for my room because we’re staying over night somewhere I chose. But if they want to stay, it’s optional, and we’ll all splitsies.

    I will get them gifts, because I want to thank them for all their help and great things they’ve done, but they’ll be in my price range, and likely a bit diy (and nothing that says ‘Bridesmaid’ that they’ll never wear again… ever, that’s a hint for all of you).

    The one here that bugs me the most is fighting for attention. That’s the one that makes me want to scream GROW UP! There are people that are more available, or that you see more often, even if you love everyone equally. If you want to be a part of everything, make yourself available. If not, it’s cool, but don’t pretend that the bride should go out of her way for each thing to make special time for you. She’s already dealing with family and other guests, your main job is to make sure she’s got a shoulder to cry on, and ear to bed, and a friend to laugh with.

  100. Always a bridesmaid on | Reply

    I think the hangover kit for after the wedding is over the top. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times and on none of those occasions would it have been appropriate to need a hangover kit the next day. Getting that sloshed as a bridesmaid is pretty disrespectful of the couple and their families in my book.

  101. Kelly Hollinsworth on | Reply

    I have been a bridesmaid 3 times and loved it! I also specialized in wedding hair for 10 years. I have participated in hundreds of wedding days, so I have seen these issues. I am THE wedding b**** on wedding day and I have never been married. These are my sister, sister in law and best friend, so there was no slacking. My best advice:
    Tell the bride if you can’t afford everything. The honesty will be easier for her with the stress she is under. She can adapt from there.
    Don’t say yes unless you can commit to being HER support network.
    Do anything within reason to make HER day special. Nobody likes a bridezilla, but do what you can for her.
    Feed the bridesmaids! More often than not, a box of doughnuts and oj at the salon will do. If you really want to be awesome bring the hairdresser a coffee! (Shameless plug! Remember this person might not know anyone but she is right in the middle of your big day!)
    Be ready to do some random, menial labor. I have run to the store for sewing kits, taped boobs, lit candles, chauffeured out of towners, helped decorate, helped clean up. Once I even drove to and went inside a complete strangers home to pick up a forgotten dress. Do what you can. You are making memories and cementing friendships.
    This day is not about what bridesmaids need to feel special. This is about standing next to your friend as she has the happiest day, THUS FAR, in her life! Rejoice that she chose you, you get to wear a pretty dress and that maybe there are some single groomsmen to flirt with later on at the reception!

  102. Lauren on | Reply

    I just want to know… when did throwing a wedding become less about celebrating the couple and more about giving presents to everyone in attendance? Weddings are not cheap, and even though I wish I had the money to shower my bridesmaids with gifts, I don’t. And the great thing is THEY UNDERSTAND! If someone is agreeing to be a bridesmaid because they think they might get some cool gifts, then maybe they aren’t as great of a friend as you think.

  103. Dalia on | Reply

    Whoever wrote this is out of their mind!! Who has money to shower bridesmaids with gifts? A gift is expected but sheesh it looks like she wants a gift per event. Weddings are expensive so who the hell is she to expect pampering the day of? This really had me speechless. And the mismatch dresses?! As if I would even allow that shennanery. If you don’t want to be a bridesmaid the don’t be a bridesmaid. You are not the bride! Brides have better things to spend money on than pampering needy over the top bridesmaids.

  104. The only decent one on this list is number 1. The rest are all selfishly terrible.

  105. Lily on | Reply

    Hi Girls, need help. I am having a destination wedding in 8 months in Mexico. My best friend accepted to be my maid of honor but she now lives in Europe. She’s delighted to come, but I feel bad she has to spend that much on a trip. She’s the only one I would have as MOH. Is it my duty to chip in on her flight cost or not? I wont ask her to do any duties since she lives so far. Only to be there on my day. Advice?

  106. Anne on | Reply

    As someone who just got married and who’s also been a bridesmaid, I don’t see why some of these suggestions are so horrible. We had a tiny budget and only 1 person standing up for us on each side. I let my MOH pick a lot on her own. If I cared about a certain things and they were too expensive for her to cover, I would have offered to at least pay some of it for her – because it was MY demand that it be that way. We took our best people out for a really nice thank you dinner in lieu of doing something like a morning breakfast, etc.

    I think most of the list was nice guidelines/suggestions. They don’t have all to be taken, no, but I think generally thinking about how much you’re going to be costing someone else is a good idea. Especially if you know that they’re also on a limited budget. There are ways to get what you want without putting others out.

    Besides, the wedding is about the MARRIAGE, not the decor or dresses or anything else. It’s about a commitment and promise between two people. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

  107. Reyni on | Reply

    It’s posts and comments like these that make brides and grooms not want to have weddings. It’s sad because weddings don’t EVER have to be complicated and full of drama. It’s about witnessing the event of two couples joining together. If you’re a bride-to-be or husband, please don’t read into this. Have the wedding of your dreams! And with your friends and families. Honestly a nice sleepover in a hotel with your bridesmaids while laughing and talking is great enough because you’re all BONDING. Don’t ruin friendships over pure ignorance. Been there done that… <3

  108. rachel on | Reply

    Wow. It seems like there’s a lot of hate for this post. Which is surprising to me since some of the SUGGESTIONS aren’t really that difficult or pricey…you’re taking this way too personally. Some of the suggestions are extremely valid. Introducing people to each other? FREE. Lowering expectations to meet people’s budgets and time constraints? FREE. Most of the really important suggestions deal with attitude and appreciation.

    And for those brides who were asking about purchasing or helping to purchase your bridesmaid’s dresses? You’re very sweet, but as long as the dress is somewhat affordable, that is one of the responsibilities of a bridesmaid.

  109. Leighann Lambert on | Reply

    I am currently engaged and am in the process of planning my wedding. I think this post was heading in the right direction and had good intentions but it was not put in a good way. I think Brides should be understanding about somethings and should want to do sweet things for their Bridesmaids to show their appreciation. However, the in depth things this list was implying makes a bride a “cool” bride are completely inaccurate. The wedding is all about the bride and the groom. The bridesmaids are simply their to represent these two parties and to support. Being a bridesmaid in a friends wedding is a privilege not a right. Some brides dont have the money to repeatedly shell out money for gifts and dinners and lavish trips. This doesnt mean they are not “cool” brides, it just means they are practical and trying to prepare for their future. “cool” bridesmaids understand the limitations of the bride and realize their duty to comfort and assist her when she is stressing about her big day. That’s what true friends do and bridesmaids should be comprised of your good friends. Brides try to be accommodating and understanding but don’t give up having what you want on your big day simply to claim this article’s title of being a “COOL” Bride.

  110. Bow down beeshes on | Reply

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the commentary from all the bridezillas on here “ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME”!!!! Actually I think more brides should read this before all their bridesmaids start dropping out. Yes, the day is all about the bride, so why do brides concern themselves so much with the bridesmaids? I gave my friends a color hue and told them to get what ever they wanted. The only thing they needed to do on the day of the wedding was show up. I didn’t have to deal with any drama and everyone was overjoyed and happy to be there. When you start tacking on jobs for people it becomes just that- a job! And let’s face it no one has fun working. It’s supposed to be a celebration. Treat your friends as honored guests, not slaves!! Oh and for shower and bachelorette- if you have a vision you better step up and pay for it. No one wants to go broke trying to fund your dream. Who do you think you are? Oh that’s right- you are the bride(zilla). Good luck!

  111. Diane on | Reply

    Gotta say, as I was reading this I was thinking “really?” The bridesmaids do come across a bit needy but there is also some good advice for brides too.

  112. Ashten on | Reply

    This is a bit extreme… If you are so self-centered that you are more concerned with your experience than the bride’s, you don’t deserve to be a bridesmaid.

  113. disneyawesomeness on | Reply

    I am getting married next year and came across this list and read about half the comments…my bridesmaids are my gaggle of closest friends and my sisters, we are honestly all so excited to beinvolved in my wedding that we’re all on the same level of mayhem! They come with me everywhere and I do as much for them as often as I can to always remind them how important they are all to me. Generally bridesmaids are your best friends or your family and as a rule in life we should always show our appreciation to those around us so when they are joining in the excitement of the biggest day of our lives and celebrating an all consuming love we have our knight in shining armour why would it be any different?? friends are important no matter what the occassion and being a bride should make that even more important to you…I’m not saying take them to vegas, I’m saying thank them for everything they put into your wedding and celebrate with them to your hearts content, if it werent for them you wouldnt be the person that your groom is marrying :-) I love my bridesmaids and we are an inseperable group of friends…i will do everything in my power to keep it like that :-)

  114. Wow… This is far from proper etiquette. What this is, is showing in all form and fashion, that we are in the “entitled generation.”

    I will do something for you, but only if I get something for it. What ever happened to doing something for a friend because you are happy for her?

    The same goes for the bride however. A bride should not have unreasonable expectations of what her bridal party should do for her.

  115. Caroline on | Reply

    The way the article is written totally rubs me the wrong way. I think a lot of us already plan on doing about half those things, the other half is totally ridiculous.

    A colour swatch? No thank you. I personally think those mismatched bridesmaids dresses really don’t look cute together. I have chosen a colour and to me cohesion is key. I will take into account budgets and how the style will look and make sure everyone is comfortable, but beyond that? It’s a stylistic choice for each bride. If I choose a dress where there are going to be alterations that will be needed no matter what I will definitely help pay for those alterations (if not all the alterations). I have worn a dress with a smile on my face for my friend’s wedding. I will do the same for another. It’s one day: I can suck it up for my friend.

    I don’t care what shoes you wear. Just wear ones that are comfortable or bring an extra pair that you can switch into while you are dancing. Just please make sure they look nice if you are not wearing a floor length gown.

    I plan on providing some food day of – it makes for a long day otherwise. If you are still hungry and didn’t eat breakfast you should take some initiative and responsibility.

    How about I get a thank you gift for you without you expecting one?

    If I expect your hair to be done a certain way I’ll pay, otherwise just make it look super nice (I was in one wedding where the MOH did her hair on her own and it looked atrocious). You going to the salon or not is up to you.

    Why not take it upon yourself to get to know the other bridesmaids and figure out the groomsmen? Beyond introducing you if you don’t know one another, the rest is on you.

    Why would I ask someone at the absolute last minute to help me? I am busy and so are you but please make sure you have some time to help, if I need it.

    If you are unable to afford Vegas, then don’t go. Plan something else. It and the shower are both things that are supposed to be out of the bride’s hands. Please just plan something fun that includes the people I want there and not anything that I am uncomfortable with. If you plan on taking me to a strip club, I will not go in because I have already expressed how much I dislike it.

    Seriously, this list just irritates me. What it comes down to is mutual respect, plenty of communication and understanding from everyone. That is what makes a cool bride and bridesmaids.

  116. Alissa on | Reply

    This is a very extreme list of suggestions and I must say it is absolutely terrible. And while it is just that, a list of suggestions, it did not have to be dumb suggestions. If you AGREE to be the bridesmaid (which is why they are asked) then you should expect the financial and time commitment you are putting into this wedding. And if you are this strongly opinionated about how the bride should treat you as her bridesmaid then it sounds to me like you are just in it for the rewards and not to be there to support your friend/family member whatever. I’m not even 19 and I was getting irritated while reading this. Why am I reading this you ask? Well when its 12:56 in the morning and you are on winter break, bored with nothing to do and not tired…. randomly googling things is your best form of entertainment.

  117. Rachel on | Reply

    I read this list and felt as though I had lost all faith in humanity. Then I read the comments, and my faith in humanity has been restored! The wedding day is not for the bridesmaid, it is for the bride and groom. If you are so needy and selfish as to expect the bride to follow this list of ridiculous demands, just don’t agree to be a bridesmaid. Poof, problem solved.

  118. Kat on | Reply

    Looks like we have a bunch of selfish bridezillas commenting on this post. Jesus Christ, they are SUGGESTIONS. And if you can afford a lavish wedding ceremony while pulling out all the stops, you can afford to treat your bridesmaids respectably. They are your FRIENDS and FAMILY. So many of you comment “If you can’t afford to be in the wedding then say no” Let’s be real here ladies! I don’t choose who gets to be in my wedding based on whether they can afford it or not. My best friend in the whole world is going through college right now and she can’t afford to drop a ton of money on dress, hair, etc. But if she turned down being in my wedding because of money, I’d be crushed.

    So many women get psycho about their weddings and want to be the center of attention all the time and use their wedding as an excuse to make others their bitch.

  119. Lauren on | Reply

    You have got to be the most selfish person. Do you seriously think the bride’s wedding day is meant to be spent pampering you? That day is about her and her husband to be, not about you. If she is more concerned about pampering you than she is about enjoying her wedding day and starting her new family, then she does not need to be getting married in the first place. I really hope your friend had a wonderful day and that you were not a distraction to her. We’ll see if you still feel this way when you get married.

  120. Mamatotwo on | Reply

    I’d have to take out a second mortgage on our house to pay for all of these suggestions! remember that saying? KISS? Keep it simple stupid? A basket of flip flops for people dumb enough not to bring dancing shoes??? Are you living in a magical fantasy land? ‘Cause unless you are loaded, no normal bride could afford to shell out all of these little treats!

  121. Mob on | Reply

    You all sound like a bunch of spoiled ass brats. Being your day does not mean you should become a self involved bitch who doesn’t have to think about anyone else’s feelings but her own. Your just getting married for gods sake not solving world hunger. I have seen more hurt feelings over wedding planning that continue on after the wedding is over. Being a decent human being is expected of you no matter what the situation is.

  122. Meg on | Reply

    This is ridiculous. The bride has plenty of her own expenses. She doesn’t need to be bothered with all of this pampering nonsense. Have we forgotten what marriage is about? It’s not just some big party. Two people are committing their lives to one another. That’s what it’s about. Not spending a bunch of money and expecting gifts and such. That’s so selfish. Of course, the bride should show some appreciation for the girls, but that doesn’t have to come in the form of gifts, hair styling, etc. And seriously? They expect her to put down all of this money for them, but they expect her to pitch in if they can’t afford a nice bachelorette party? What planet does this person live on? The bachelorette party isn’t even important. Just because she’s getting married, it doesn’t mean she’s made of money. If she asks you to be her bridesmaid, she better just be happy that you’re planning a party at all! My goodness.

  123. claire on | Reply

    If you’re doing it for the gifts, pampering, attention or to be set up you aren’t a very good friend/sister.

  124. Mol Doll on | Reply

    I have been a bridesmaid probably too many times to count. I’m finally a bride. I can say that this article was very strange, to me. I have NEVER expected ANYTHING from brides when I was in their wedding. I understood that my job was to relieve their stress. That’s what you do as a bridesmaid. Also, if you have been there for other people as their bridesmaid, they should do everything in their power to be there for you on your big day. That’s just my personal opinion. I think that you should treat your bridesmaids with respect and gratitude for everything they have done for you, as you did for them when they were married; however, this list is very strange to me. It seems very inappropriate.

    • Mol Doll on | Reply

      Oh and BTW, this is coming for a bride (myself) that is doing a lot of things for her bridesmaids b/c I appreciate all that they are doing for me. I just think this article sounds really rude, because I’m in another wedding this summer and I expect NOTHING from her. I appreciate anything she is wiling to do for me, that’s what you do as a bridesmaid and a friend!!!!

  125. Julie on | Reply

    This list is awfully selfish.

    The only really redeemable things on this list are two quite old tricks – have a range of colors for the bridesmaid dresses (helps when your friends are all sorts of sizes and heights and proportions) and let your bridesmaids get to know each other outside of wedding stuff.

    Also if one of the groomsmen is skeevy I understand being warned… But if my fiance had any creepy friends I’m not really sure what that says about him in the first place…

    But everything else is crazy selfish.

  126. chelc on | Reply

    As a up an coming bride myself, I have a few simply things to say.

    Stop being as asshole to your bridesmaids.

    They are not your bitch, they are your friends. Anything that you are asking of them, they are likely willing to bend over backwards to do to help you with your big day! Ask them to buy a $800 outfit, chase you around while you act like a chicken with your head cut off, and completely blow off their lives to be at your beck and call while planning an over the top wedding for a year- crazy!

    These are your friends, sisters, relatives, or soon to be relatives- treat them like it!

  127. Texas on | Reply

    I think this post is selfish. I understand that these are all just suggestions and -I will give it to you, most of them are stemmed from truth- but, really, “shower us with presents?” Your bride shouldn’t have to shower you with presents for her to be “cool.” Although a small gift or gift box is proper etiquette, she should not worry about your hangover the day after her wedding. Another thing, it’s her wedding, her colors. While some brides can pull off putting their maids in different shades of the same color, some can’t. Your responsibility is to be honest and compassionate towards your bride… not to expect her to cater the aesthetics of her wedding to what color makes you look good.

    Another thing, I understand feeding your bridesmaids… but getting them drinks to “loosen up” just so that they can have fun? That’s bull. Sometimes your girls can’t hold their alcohol. If they can, sweet, mimosa it up that morning. Also, alcohol leads to bad choices and anyone who’s ever drank before cannot tell me otherwise. If you’re a bride and you introduce your single maid to one of the single groomsmen, and they end up getting together in any way, shape, or form, (especially while drunk) the only thing they’ll remember your wedding for is their drunk hookup. I’ve seen it happen. You’ll never hear the end of it.

    I understand treating your bridesmaids with dignity and respect and not asking them to do unrealistic things, but they are there to help you. If you can’t call them for last minute stuff, who can you call? They agreed to be there; last minute problems just kind of happen and you can’t be afraid to ask your girls for help when it does. Bridesmaids shouldn’t have to compete for attention… but at the same time they shouldn’t get upset if the bride isn’t spending all too much time with them.

    Most of this stuff anchors in communication. I’ve never been a bride, but I’ve been in 3 weddings as a bridesmaid and have another 2 coming up where I’ll be the MOH. I’m not a bridezilla trying to advocate mistreating your girls, I’m just saying your wedding is about having your friends and family share in YOUR big day… the day when you marry the person you love. Bride, you don’t have to pay for my hair or dress- if I can’t figure it out, I’ll tell you and we’ll get through it together-, you don’t have to give me a damn thing, or give special considerations to how much fun I’m having, or how drunk I am, or the fact that I’m single, or if my feet will hurt. If you are my friend or my sister, bride, I will share in your joy and be happy with that.

  128. Kristina on | Reply

    Wow. This article sounds like it was written by a little brat who wants to make her friends wedding all about them. Selfish.

  129. Danielle on | Reply

    I have been a bridesmaid and a bride; I see a little bit of both. I mean I didn’t have the money to shower my girls with gifts but I did make them a really cool purse for their “Bridesmaid gifts”, I paid for their nails to be done and I let them pick out their own dress. (They all picked the same one but whatever) I do think the only thing I agree with on this list is for brides to make sure they include all their bridesmaids in the wedding prep. I was in a wedding where I didn’t really do anything other than stand there the day of, I offered to help with everything but I was the only maid that “wasn’t needed” so that was a little disheartening. Also I think the “set me up with the cute groomsman” is a little unnecessary. It’s a wedding; not a frat party. I definitely agree that the whole wedding party needs a “Get to know you” dinner or something, it totally loosens everyone up WITHOUT GETTING WASTED but that way if you want to meet the cute groomsman you can do it yourself. They also say that you shouldn’t accept being a bridesmaid in a wedding if you can not deal with the financial burden. Weddings cost money, it doesn’t have to be a lot of money but you have to remember that as a bridesmaid you’re paying for a lot less than what the bride is. Bridesmaid dresses compared to wedding dresses are way cheaper. I’m not saying be a bridezilla by any means. I’m pretty sure the fact that I tried to cater more to my girls than my (now ex) husband says a lot about who I really cared about. Like I said I paid for my girls hair and nails the day of the wedding, made them “Bridesmaid kits” which were purses with “emergency kits” for the wedding, I bought them their jewelry for the day, they didn’t pay for drinks all night, I had a simple bacholerette party and wedding shower, I let them choose the dresses, I tried really hard to be chill but not bend over backwards. I was working full time, and going to school full time and planning a wedding. This article makes some good points but it’s definitely worded very selfishly

  130. K on | Reply

    Wow! Talk about Bridesmaid Zilla! This is the rudest, bitchiest article ever! I am letting my bridesmaids choose to get their hair/make up done or not, they can do it themselves if they want too, and wear whatever shoes they’re comfortable in. I’ve paid for all their dresses and alterations, I also made sure they all genuinely love the dress before purchasing. I’ve got them all gifts, have only asked for help with invites, and all because I wanted too because I love them, and none of them ever asked for a thing or expected it, let alone demanded it. This is why they are my bridesmaids, because they are wonderful girls I couldn’t do without, and could not imagine spending this beautiful day without them. They are not catty, demanding, or rude. I have done all I can afford to do for them because they deserve it. But if I ever had a bridesmaid like this girl (whoever wrote this article) well actually, I would never have a bridesmaid like this. Sounds like all her thoughts are about what she wants, how she looks, and what she gets on the Bride’s Big Day.

  131. Meg on | Reply

    This article is horrible. It is an honor to be asked to be in a best friend’s wedding party. I’m sure the bride is already stressed out about the costs or the events and ensuring everyone has a good time – and you do not need to add additional stress and act like she should cater to you. You can invest in a pair of dollar flip-flops to wear at the dance; you can invest in a Gatorade if you plan on drinking enough to be hungover the next morning; you can let your best friend pick out the bridesmaid dresses that SHE has been envisioning for HER wedding.

    Yes, being a bridesmaid can be stressful and expensive. But if you just want to float around and do what you please – that’s what being a guest at the wedding is for, NOT bridesmaid.

  132. I love every part of this article. First of all, some of it is meant to be humorous. The writer doesn’t truly mean “shower me with gifts.” She’s joking around. People are taking this far too literally. Secondly, excusing your need to request whatever you want from people when you get married by saying that when it is their turn, they can do the same thing, only perpetuates this terrible cycle of selfishness. Who’s to say they will even definitely get married someday? It’s presumptuous. A wedding is not about being “queen for a day.”

    And when you put yourself completely at the mercy of the bride, you never know what crazy things she is going to ask for. I was the best possible maid of honor you could be for my best friend of 17 years, a bride whose parents were disowning her because they didn’t like the groom. I did everything the parents were supposed to do for them and more. And I was asked to pay $2,000 to be a part of three separate weddings, one of which was on a tropical island—and was not told any of that up front; the prices just kept getting higher throughout the year. And when it was my turn to plan her bachelorette party, I was pushed into going to the fanciest, most expensive places in New York City, even though I made 1/3 of what the other bridesmaids made in a year (they made six figures and I was dealing with company-wide layoffs because it was the recession). The bride became so dismissive of me, totally taking me for granted and making me feel alienated from her rich friends again and again and insulting my boyfriend for not having proposed to me and not being able to afford to go to the wedding on the tropical island, that I was left with no choice but to end the friendship. And now, six years later, though she has apologized and told me how wonderful I was and how selfish she was, and how she wished she could do it differently, I still can’t bring myself to trust her again—and she was my dearest friend.

    When I get married, I will be treating my matron of honor to everything in this story, because I love her and she deserves it (well except for the “hook-up,” because she’s married—and that clearly was also a joke made by the writer).

  133. I should also note, that the apology from the bride came six years after the fact—six years of not speaking—and it was only because her son had accidentally sent me an old e-mail from her husband calling me racist.

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  135. Stevie on | Reply

    I’ve been the made of honor in 3 weddings and a bridesmaid in 2 and I would NEVER even think of half this stuff. I paid for my own hair, I brought some food for everyone to snack when getting ready, and I got my own asprin for my hangover. I never once thought they bride owed me anything. Rediculous

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