Dear Future Best Bride Friend,
I’m so excited that you’ve chosen me to be your bridesmaid! If I’m in your bridal party, I promise to always stand by you and support you as you plan your wedding day. As a good friend/sister/relative, I want to help make your wedding journey as enjoyable and un-stressful as it can be. But you have to try and do the same for me! As much as it’s your big day, I’ll be along with you for the ride, and we’ll both have a much better time if we’re both happy. With that in mind, I think you’ll be the coolest bride ever if you just follow these 10 simple rules…
1. Give us color swatches to choose from, and then let us choose our own bridesmaids dresses. That way we’ll have something we love and is flattering, and you’ll have us looking just the way you pictured!
And if you don’t like our choices? Chances are we kept the receipt, just in case. But seriously, how cute are these mismatched bridesmaids? You know you’re into it.
2. If you want us to wear heels, take care of our feet. We’ll put up with it for you, but we’ll be a little sad if we end the night with blisters or twisted ankles! Please don’t make us wobble-walk on grass – think about investing in heel-stoppers!
And we’re definitely going to want to dance the night away. More comfy shoes are preferred, so we’re not trying to brave the dance floor in bare feet!
3. Loosen us up the morning of the big day. We want to celebrate with you, and be nice and relaxed for the ceremony! We won’t say no to some drinks, snacks, and extra pampering.
Natalie Moser Photography via On To Baby
4. Shower us with presents! While we love doing this for you, it’s nice to get some gifts for helping you out. We’ll want to party and celebrate, so it’d be nice to have kits for hangovers after the bachelorette and wedding day.
Oh, and personal thank you gifts are always appreciated – it’ll give us a special way to remember being a part of your wedding!
5. If you want us to rock crazy or complicated hairstyles for the wedding, offer to pay for it. Trust us – there’s no way that we’ll figure out these ‘dos by ourselves, and you’ll be happier if we look just the way you want.
6. If I don’t know anyone, introduce me to all the bridesmaids beforehand so we have time to be friends. Fun outings, lunch, or nights out are a great way to get us together before the big day.
Milou and Olin Photography via Engaged and Inspired
7. Warn me of creepy groomsmen, or set me up with the hottie if I’m single! I’d love to have the best time possible at your big day.
Skyla Walton via Green Wedding Shoes
8. Don’t make me compete for your attention. I know you love your other bridesmaids, but things can get awkward fast if two best friends or sisters are vying for your time.
9. I’m happy to help you out with most things – DIY projects, picking up dresses, or mailing invites are all expected. But don’t ask me last minute for my help, or resent me if I can’t make it. I have other things to do too!
10. If you’re not stoked about the bachelorette party we’re planning, then please don’t throw a fit – this is our event to plan for you! Instead, hint nicely about one or two things you’d be excited to do. And if it’s a trip to Vegas that we can’t afford, offer to pitch in.
I can’t wait to celebrate with you, and be a part of your bridal party! I promise I’ll be a cool bride to you too. Congrats, girl!
Love,
Your Future Bridesmaid
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These are extremely needy bridesmaids. How about get over yourself it’s about the bride? Waa. High heels. Waaa. Attention. Waaa. Buy me things. Seriously? I was just the MOH for my sister, and if I was this needy/self-centered, I’d just rather not be apart of the wedding. But hey, that’s just me.
You’re absolutely right!! That’s exactly what I was thinking while reading this!! Ths day is about the bride, if you want the attention, YOU go get married!
I completely agree! This list is over the top! I’ve been a bridesmaid (bought everything for myself and paid for many of the showers/parties!)
Now that I’m a bride I’d love to spoil my girls… But I haven’t won the lottery. Weddings are stressful enough without all these monetary bridesmaids demands. Would it be lovely to do everything on this list? DUH! But seriously that’s why bridesmaids get ASKED because it is an emotional and financial commit for the bride’s big day. Bottom line we are all broke and busy…
I do think it’s great to communicate with the bridesmaids of who is who on both parties but the rest of this list expects the bride to be the one made of money, with no life. Not cool
Absolutely! I’ve been a bridesmaid several times, and each time I say yes, I know I’m agreeing to basically be the bride’s b*tch until the wedding
I totally agree! Having been a bridesmaid myself (to a very needy, almost bridezilla-ish friend who I love deeply) I new I was going to put a lot of money down & I never expected a thing from her except a thank you. Now that I’m a bride, I would love to give my sister & best friend the world but let’s face it, I can’t & I won’t. & ill probably still be a cool bride(;
I agree with all of you- this post seems highly narcissistic! I agree that the bride shouldn’t go over the top, but most of the brides that I know have always tried their best to accommodate the bridal party. Aaaaaand, if you don’t like it, then don’t be in the wedding! Better that than to show up with a “high and mighty” attitude and ruin the special day for the bride.
I agree! I’ve been a Bridesmaid twice and this year its my turn to be the Bride!! When I was a Bridesmaid, I made sure to be there for the Bride and pretty much say yes to whatever she wanted us to wear or do. They were my best friends so I know that they were not demanding crazy things, so I felt fine with saying yes. Yes, I’ll admit, that I wished they didn’t make me wear my hair up (didn’t think it looked good on me), but I NEVER made a big deal about it. This is the Bride’s time and big day!
Now that I am the Bride, I can tell you that I have WAY too many things to stress over and there should be no need for added stress from your Bridesmaids.
When you say yes to being a Bridesmaid you say yes to being there for the Bride because believe me when the tables turn, and its YOUR time then you are going to want the same in return.
Whoever wrote this should write for the animal shelter, instead. You sound like an abused pet needing a home.
haha… you’re awesome
This is a great post ! I’m a bride as well as a bridesmaid and I have been in many weddings in the past ! If you want your wedding to be perfect you need to understand how your bridesmaids feel ! This post is amazing! Bridesmaids put up with alot and just cause it’s “your day” doesn’t mean a thing !
“Just because it’s ‘your day’ doesn’t mean a thing”?!?! Are you serious? That’s a terrible attitude to have towards a friend of yours who is getting married- I hope you choose to bow out of the party gracefully rather than talk to the bride like that.
Shayla harsh! But I have to agree lol. I would expect most of this as a bridesmaid. And as a bride I would hope my girls would go with the flow and be there for me. The whole point of bridesmaids. You’ll have plenty of appeasing to do with parents, future in-laws and other needy relatives. You don’t need it from your gals! I do think they should feel pampered though if you can afford it. That’s a nice touch.
As much money as the bride is spending on her wedding, she may not have the extra funds to provide you with meals, drinks, a hangover kit for the bachelorette AND wedding night, a gift, your hair and your trip to Vegas. She may also be stressed about her own big day that she won’t have the time to make sure you have ample amount of attention so as not to upset you plus worry about your feet, introducing you to everyone and setting you up with the hottest groomsman. On your wedding day, it can be all about you. You are there to support the bride in whatever she needs, not the other way around.
Agree Bethany! this is the dumbest list I’ve ever seen!
How on earth can bridesmaids expect brides to pay for all that-think about brides that have 6-10 bridesmaids! Who on earth can afford that!
This article is the worst. I have a bridesmaid who is in her first wedding ever, and in addition to never having attended a wedding, thinks the weekend is all about her. She mentioned a lot of things on this list that did nothing but add to my stress and not to mention add to the budget. Someone delete this please so confused bridesmaids on Pinterest don’t think this is NORMAL. I love all my bridesmaids and have gone out of the way to make it fun for them, but this list is ridiculous.
Really though this is the dumbest blog in the world. I’m repinning this with the caption saying “Top 10 ways to be the worst bridesmaid ever”
I think these are fantastic things to keep in mind when working with my girls. Thanks for the reminders
(and seriously, no one said you had to do all of them; suggestions are just that. Unwadding of readers’ panties should’ve been included as #11)
Hey guys! There are obviously a lot of strong feelings about this list – I just want to note that these are, as Jessica said, suggestions. Every bride and her group of bridesmaids are different, and obviously we’re not saying a bride isn’t cool if she doesn’t do these things! We’re just trying to spark some conversation (which we obviously did) and throw some ideas out there.
Thanks for reading!
These “suggestions” are still awful. Weddings are expensive and stressful enough without worrying about pleasing the bridesmaids too. The bridesmaids are supposed to be there for the BRIDE, not the other way around! If every bridesmaid has these sorts of expectations, brides won’t want anyone on their wedding party! If you’ve never been in a wedding before, please ignore every thing on this list. If you have been in a wedding before and these are your expectations, please talk to your bride. Otherwise, things will probably not go well for either of you…
Ok…. i think everyone is thinking in extreme terms. But I actually think this list is awesome. It’s not an article called “how to be a bride” its how to be a “COOL” bride. Your friends will still be your friends after your wedding. And some of these things dont have to be super expensive for a bride! I do think that your BMs deserve attention- its not all about you, its about your guests and bridal party too! It might be as simple as calling them up and talking about things going on in their like OUTSIDE of your wedding. Just dont bring it up. I bet they would really appreciate it.
But the comments about Vegas? Great, you want to go to Vegas but you cant afford to pay for all your girls to go? And they can’t afford to go? … then dont go… Or save up and all go on a trip when you can all afford to go. And just do something around town — or simply cheaper– in the meantime.
Am I crazy here? I think the moral of the post is to pull your head out of your butt and realize that the world doesnt revolve around you… and BM dont have endless funds or time for you. They’ve got their own life going on while you plan your wedding. So just dont assume people are willing to shell out thousands to be a part of your big day. Because thats what people will talk about later on in life, not what the BM’s hair looked like….
And therefore if you don’t do all the things on this list you’re “not a cool bride.” Lists like this give unreal expectations for brides & bridesmaid, and are the reason why brides are being called bridezillas for doing things that used to be totally normal. i.e. making the BM’s where the same dress, or asking them to help with last minute issues and DIY’s. The exact same list could have been written in a less insulting, less selfish, and more knowledgeable way. Not everything was bad, but a lot of these were taking away the BM’s traditional duties.
This post makes it seem like the bride is supposed to be made of money. Paying for extra things like gifts and breakfasts and hair?
I agree with those that think this list is overly demanding of a bridesmaid. As a bride I already try to think about my girls and how the process and bills can be stressful for others and have spent a lot of my wedding planning accommodating others. In fact, this is the worst thing I could have done. Making the day about others and how to best please them is a curse I’ve somehow put upon myself. Brides, be considerate, but don’t forget the day is yours. These girls should be pampering you. It can be all about your bridesmaids on their wedding days, or really any other day. But your wedding date is yours. Enjoy it and don’t feel like you need to accommodate others!
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This is literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. The day is about the bride…not the bridesmaids, sorry.
I love this list! Obviously not all of these are possible for every bride, but I think people need to remember that your bridesmaids are your closest friends. Personally I’m doing everything I can to make the day awesome for my maids
This article should instead be titled, “10 Things To Be the BROKEST Bride Ever.” Whoever wrote this has clearly never been a bride herself.
It works both ways. Both the bride and her bridal party need to work together to make the bride (and groom’s) vision come together. The bride chooses her bridal party from the people she loves and cares about the most, and they should love and respect her and want to work to bring that vision/dream to fruition.
While I think that this is a good reminder to the “bridezillas” that they need to appreciate their bridesmaids and all the time and effort they put in to the wedding, I also feel that some of these things are definitely over the top. The bride has enough things to do and worry about without having to cater to a needy/demanding bridesmaid. Have fun, work together, and remember the day is a celebration of love, family, and friends.
Bridesmaidzilla much? But you know, I don’t think anyone should be this demanding or high maintenance at the wedding, including the bride. It’s a very important day, but still…chill. Dare I say? The wedding day is not all about the bride either. It’s also about the groom, both of your families, and all the people who have loved and supported you across the years. And if you believe in God, him too. There are lots of messages coming at us from the wedding industry encouraging us (brides and bridesmaids) to be selfish, but just remember that it’s never good…on any day.
After being maid-of-honor three times, it’s finally my turn as bride. I don’t think list is asking too much!! If the bride is pushing for a specific complicated hairstyle, then offer to pay for it. Otherwise be willing to let the girls do their own! As for the food & drink suggestion, that is totally reasonable. I was starving before two of the weddings I was in because nobody thought to provide food or drinks for us before the ceremony. And while expensive gifts aren’t necessary for bridesmaids, some sort of gift or thank you or just acknowledgement is!!
Exactly why I will not have a wedding party the second time around. Too much drama.
This is perhaps the tackiest article I have read all month. Please don’t forget that a wedding is about helping a couple celebrate the joining of their two lives. Lets not lose focus here, people.
As stated already, these are just suggestions. Being a bridesmaid or maid of honor can be very stressful as you are trying to help out the bride as much as you possibly can while trying to maintain your own personal life and finances. Too often, brides get overly stressed out (or become bridezillas) to the point they forget that their bridesmaids have lives and other responsibilities as well. Sometimes, they are not going to be able to afford that fancy dress or able to go to the salon to get that fancy hairdo. If you want something over the top knowing that most of the people in your bridal party may not be able to afford it, then absolutely, the bride should chip in. And giving a thank you gift to your bridesmaids to show your appreciation for all the hard work, money, and dedication they have shown to you is not too much to be asked for. The writer didn’t suggest anything grandiose, but just suggested some things that would make the wedding not only great for the bride, but for those who are taken part in the celebration!
The title is How to be the coolest bride and clearly, that just isn’t in the cards for most of you. When did becoming a bride entitle you to become super bitch? I understand it’s your wedding and you want the vision in your head to come to life before your eyes but we all know thats unrealistic thinking. It’s like getting a boob job and expecting it to magically fix your face…again, unrealistic. The list of suggestions are a way to guide you not to suck and maybe still have friends afterwards. Giving my bridesmaids gifts for being there for me, letting them give their input on dresses THEY HAVE TO WEAR ,and letting them plan the bachelorette party sound like easy ways to keep everybody happy (and keeps your girls from talking shit behind your back) Pampering them…AKA getting their hair,nails,and spray tans done for them while getting them a little boozed up on the day of sounds like a fantastic way to start out the party…..just throwing that one out there.
Ok, im like the poorest bride ever and I really want to pamper my bridesmaids because I asked them to be bridesmaids not the other way around. But I couldn’t afford to pay for the bridesmaids dresses all on my own so I asked them to chip in and that seems to have solved a lot of problems. Do you have any advice on how I can still pamper them without spending a lot of money that I don’t have?
You offered to help pay, even partially, for the dresses? That’s a wonderful thing to do, Krissie! I’ve been in several weddings and all of them had specific, expensive ($175+) dresses to wear, and no one ever offered that to us!
Granted, it’s never expected that the bride will help pay for the dresses, but you should know that it’s probably a BIG deal to your girls and I’m sure they appreciate it very much.
Rock on, cool bride!
Haha. I’m a poor bride, too! I definitely wanted to do something nice for them for being part of my day, too, so I offered to pay for their hair to get done however they want, but I’m also putting together little boxes of face creams/masks, lotions, nail polish, manicure kits, etc.–I call them “spa day” boxes!<3 I figured we can hang out and use them the night before the wedding. (I'm having a 'stay the night with the bride' the night before where we can hopefully all be together and calm any nerves I might have with some silly chatter and face masks. Haha.) Over the last few months, I've bought all the different products and probably spent about 20-25 bucks per box. I have 4 bridesmaids, so it totaled about 100 bucks for all my bridesmaids. I'm also going to write them each a thank you note for being my friend and for being a part of this important moment of my life.<3 I think simple and thoughtful is always the way to go with these things. c:
This is a great list! A wedding is only as stressful as you make it, and doing something nice for your bridesmaids, (who are, by the way, doing you a favour by being your bridesmaid) is really kind, because brides tend to become these terrible people who think they can treat people they claim to care about like crap when they’re planning “their day.” Women need to never forget to be kind to those who are kind to them, and to ALWAYS treat one another with respect and compassion. The aforementioned type of treatment will breed animosity and on the brides’ special day, that negativity will show, and what should be a happy occasion will just be something that everyone just wants to be over.
By the way, Kate, I love you and your mind!
I’ve been a bride and I’ve been a bridesmaid and maid/matron of honor several times. I don’t think that this list is so unreasonable. You can do little extra things to make the time that your maids are spending away from their families and other commitments a little more special and fun. A lot of brides are so single-minded and forget these people are sacrificing their time and money to make their parties and wedding day to be as special as it can be. I don’t think showing a little gratitude and being thoughtful is too much to ask of anyone. As another person said, these are your closest family and friends.
This is a horrible list! I agree that you should be appreciative of your bridesmaids but this is over the top. I had 5 bridesmaids and I bought the skirts, shirts, and heels for them which I found at an amazing price. That was it. If you’re going to be a crazy, controlling bridezilla then you should expect to pay for those over the top things. That is the price of having the wedding the way you want it. But for normal brides, I don’t think you need to do most of the things on this list! It is YOUR day!
i dont understand how anyone could see this as being demanding/needy/unrealistic. for a bride to meet these expectations would be around $100 and not being a mega bitch.
the only expensive things on this list (trip to Vegas, paying for hair appts) are only suggested if the bride is absolutely demanding a certain trip/hair style. the little gifts arent pricey (monogrammed necklaces are like $10-20 on etsy, throwing together a hangover kit is easily less than $10)
$100, a small time commitment and a laid back attitude doesnt seem like much to ask for when these ladies will be at your beck and call, helping you shop, helping you decorate, planning a bachelorette party, holding your hand through melt downs and so much more.
getting married isnt an excuse to use and abuse your friends and then tell them to suck it up because its your day
Thank God, I’ve found another sane person. All these girls keep whining about “OMG THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS! We are already spending SO much money on our wedding! The bridesmaids should just shut up, drop everything and be GRATEFUL and HAPPY to spend all their money on things for our wedding because it’s OUR day and the world revolves around us now that my fiancé proposed!”
Ugh. Shut up. I’d HATE to have friends like these other bitches. We’re happy for you, we’re here for you. But that doesn’t mean you own me when I agree to be a part of your day. And if a bride assumes this, I will quickly bow the fuck out of that wedding. I’m your friend, you’re my friend–it’s your wedding day so OF COURSE you are the center of attention. Buying a pair of flip-flops or offering to pay for hair/makeup is not making the day about the bridesmaids. Not saying that I’ve ever personally expected the bride to pay for anything for my participation in the wedding–but, honestly, it would be nice. And anyone who disagrees with that is ridiculous. Just remember we’re your friends and we all still have bills and lives. We’re happy for your upcoming nuptials, but damn–I might have work or something going on so if you drop a DIY project on me at the last minute, I might not be able to make it and that shouldn’t make me a horrible bridesmaid. Sheesh.
This is literally THE WORST post I have ever read and I think the author should STOP offering terrible advice. Ew. Actually you know what? I would love to be be in YOUR wedding.. I don’t have money for a dress, but I would like to pick it out like you said – it should be MY choice as a bridesmaid, also no money for hair or the bachelorette party ( hopefully you will pay for Vegas!!) and your right, your day or not I am not walking on the grass in my heels for you- your not worth it.. So I better have heel stops. Oh and in my box of presents, I like purple sunglasses not pink – sick!!! Oh and yes I am super busy your day ( once in a lifetime tho it is) is NOT more important than what I have going on.. So email your schedge at least 2 months in advance and I will see when I can bless you with my presence to do invites and what not. This sounds super fun for ME and alot of work and expense for you.. THANKS A TON, should be a super fun day for ME!!
Yes, I am deleting this pin, duh.
This is by far the best reply to this post. Had me cracking up!
This reply is perfect hahaha
being a bride-to-be myself, i am soo grateful for what all my bridesmaids do for me and help me with whether it be invites all night long or last minute shopping trips. i have been a bridesmaid for a friend where we did next to nothing before the big day and she still gave us little kits for the day of, provided breakfast and snacks for throughout the day when getting ready and i dont remember hearing one complaint from her once! while i dont agree with all of the SUGGESTIONS on here, i do think some are very good ideas to do for my girls for everything they have done for me!
If you are bitching about needing money from the bride, why did you agree to be a bridesmaid? jeez.
i think the one that made me the most upset on here.. is number 9. Dont ask me last minute for my help… like why not ask.. why not just say dont be upset if i cant make it to help.. if i fear asking my bridesmaids for help… then there really not good friends (not saying if you dont show up your a bad friend, im saying if i feel like i can ASK you) when i asked my girls to be my bridesmaids i let them know they would have to pay for the dress and pitch in for before wedding events, but i also said we would be looking for resonable prices for everyone.. i understand this post is how to be a COOL bride.. but how about adding some suggestions that dont revolve around the girls?.. i honestly thought this post would be more about the wedding lol.. am i the only one? and also some cheap ways of being an awsome bride
.. guess i should make my own blog right haha
WOW! Some harsh brides (bridezillas?) commenting on this.
I think its a great list. Yes, not EVERYTHING is do-able, but I think its important for brides to remember that bridesmaids are people too! I’ve been subject to so many brides just expecting SO MUCH from you. I love the “warn me about creepy groomsmen” and “introduce me to the other bridesmaids.” Lots of times you are getting together with an old childhood friend and you don’t know ANYONE else, and that sucks!
Other than not being made of money, its a great list to be a considerate bride. Even if you can only afford cross 1 or 2 things off this list, its nice to BE NICE.
Clearly made by someone who has never been a bride or bridesmaid. Get over yourself.
Some of these things make sense, but I disagree with the bachelorette party one. As a bride to be I offered to help plan. I love my friends but I get uncomfortable pretty easily, I would hate to be anxious and not enjoy myself.
A small gift would be nice and dinner to celebrate but I’m thinking thats about it. It’s the brides decision about how much she wants to do and how much money she has but I think that the bridesmaids do need to be mindful and respectful. It’s her day, not yours. Don’t get confused of you’ll end up being the bridesmaid from hell.
Whoever wrote this has obviously never been a bride. This is the lamest list I’ve ever seen. “suggestions”…right. This should be labeled “I’m a spinster selfish bridesmaid who thinks the bride has an endless supply of cash.”
Seriously?!? You are a bridesMAID, which means you do what the bride needs you to do, not what you think is cool. I’ve been a bridesmaid in 10 weddings (maid of honor in 5) and my wedding is this year. Never once did I EXPECT the bride to pay for anything. It was certainly nice when they did, and I much appreciated it, but I never expected it. If you don’t want to be there for the bride, then politely decline to be in the wedding party. This day is not about what the bride can do for you, it’s about celebrating your friend and being honored that she asked you to stand up with her on HER day.
I think this is a great list and everyone complaining or ripping on it was probably a bridezilla. This post mostly likely wasnt intended to imply “you must do all of these things to make your bridesmaids happy”, just tips to pick and choose. Maybe choose one or two? Geez people, get a grip. I was just a bride and probably did atleast half of these without even reading. I actually even paid for each my bridesmaid dresses. They lady at the bridal store said she had never seen someone do that in her whole career. I thought that was crazy! I’m not rich nor did I “win the lottery”, but this is something that I wanted to do for my bridesmaids. I wanted it to be just as enjoyable for them as is was for me. Even though it my my day.
I have been a bridesmaid plenty of times and now Im a bride to be. I will of course make it best i could for my bridesmaids to afford things but we all know that it cost money to be a bridesmaid. If you are not able to afford it then kindly decline but I have payed my shares of money being involved in others special day now its their turn to spend a little on mine like i did for them. It’s the circle of friendship that you obviously don’t talk about you just do because you know when it’s your day they will do the same for you as you did for them on your big day. I agree with half the things, yes ill have mimosas in the AM but No I will not offer to pay for your papmering or vegas trip. What I did I am giving my bridesmaids a year in advance notice on my bachelorett party to save up so you don’t here anyone complain, if u still can’t make it it’s fine with me. No I will not buy you heal stoppers but I will get inexpensive stones for u to stand on during the ceremony so your feet don’t sink into the grass. Of course I will get you a gift that is our way of thanking you during our reversal dinner (that is common sense most brides do it anyway. I would have wrote this article a bit different no It’s not about you its about the bride Her wedding her decisions to make not yours but I will do my best to thank you along the way.
This is good for a bride who DOESN’T want the attention she’s supposed to get. Making it all about the bridesmaids happiness is NOT the way a wedding works. Being a bride myself and having been a bridesmaid I know the bride wants the attention and should get it. Now that’s not saying the bridesmaid should be happy, but I asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding because I know they’ll help with whatever possible.
Another point, the bride and groom are already paying for the whole wedding so unless the couple has a plethora of money there should be no reason the bride should pay for EVERYTHING for the bridesmaid. YES, she can help by not picking out dresses that cost and arm and a leg, and YES she can find a friend to do hair/nails for free or for a discount. But the bride should not be expected to do all of it by herself. If one bridesmaid can’t afford something then the bride may find a way to make it easier. But this blog makes the bridesmaids sound like crabby children who always want more more more.
Yes this was a ridiculous article, I’m sorry. I’ve been a bridesmaid 5 times and loved it every single time without expecting a damn thing from the bride. Being chosen to be by their sides on their wedding day was enough, and I gladly did whatever they needed me to do, as they are my friends. I read this article out if interest because I’m a bride now. Every wedding I was in was different, and they all expressed gratitude in their own awesome way. I have never heard if an in happy bridesmaid? Hahaha or it could be that I don’t surround myself with narcissistic ladies
I’m a bride now and I can totally relate to this post. I’ve been in plenty of weddings where it’s cost me a pretty penny to party but at the end of the day, we all had a great time and I still love my sister/friends/cousins. It’s just a reminder that everyone is in the same leaky boat and to try to make sure you don’t get too caught up in the madness that the wedding machine creates. Be gracious to your girls and they will be grateful to be a part of your big day. Plain and simple.
Most of these suggestions aren’t so bad, but the tone and wording of the blog makes it sound demanding and not like a true friend that is in it to make the bride’s one special day better. Horribly written!! (“Shower us with presents”….seriously??? That sounds terrible and so needy!!)
Two things I don’t agree with:
#1 my maids will have to put up with wearing the color I pick out for my wedding because it’s a color scheme for the entire day. I mean, if a shade of blue looks better on some than others, that’s just tough because you can’t please EVERYONE. Maybe pick a color and let them have free will with styles of dresses in that exact color. We don’t need the added stress of maids whining about if the color looks good on them! We’ve already ordered invitations, flowers, and a cake in a certain color.
#9 isn’t the point of bridesmaids to help with wedding stuff especially when things go awry? So if several things fall apart close to the wedding and you have to call up your closest girls last minute and ask for help, wouldn’t that be exactly what you need them for? They can say no of course if they had something specific to do already, but as a bride I don’t want to be “afraid” to call for last minute help!
Some of the things on the list are very nice and considerate ill agree but buying presents n getting their hair paid for is ridiculous. Lord knows a wedding is stressful.
I’m a bride-to-be and over the course of planning, I have little by little been putting together a day-of bag with their names on them and a water bottle, little emergency items and an embroidered hoodie for them to wear (because I’d like for the getting ready pics to be cute). And like I said, I’ve been doing this over the course of the year. I have picked pink as my color and I’m letting them choose the shade (as long as they all look good next to each other) and their style of dress. I’ve also hired a hairdresser to do my hair BUT I have let them know how much she charges for updos and I’ve ‘pinned’ a bunch of how-tos for doing their own up-dos if they don’t want to pay. I’ve also let them know how much the make-up artist charges so they can pay to have her do it or they can do it themselves. If I could afford to do all of this by myself, I would do it, but it’s kind of expected as a bridesmaid that you’re going to end up paying a little bit of money. I didn’t choose a maid of honor so that one person wouldn’t be left with more responsibility to handle. My wedding day is MY wedding day. When they get married, I will be more than happy to help them out and make their day special but for now, they have made the commitment and I will honor them for that but I won’t spend every penny I earn up until that point proving to them how thankful I am. I already asked them to stand beside me on the most important day of my life, obviously they know I love them. This article is totally off base.
This list offends me as a soon to be bridesmaid AND soon to be bride. As a bridesmaid, my personal mission is to make sure the bride has her dream wedding, even if that means a little extra stress for me or spending some money on hair/nails. I am entirely prepared and happy to do this for her. I agreed to be in her wedding, and not once have I expressed to her my personal ‘wants’. My dress, hair, makeup, etc. will all be reflective of what she wants, and I am thrilled to do so. Every bride has a general idea in mind for their ‘dream wedding’, and as a member of the bridal party, you should do whatever you can do make that day a reality for this person you care about.
As a bride, i have the same opinion in that it is ME and my FIANCES day. I found a cost friendly, classy bridesmaid dress that before purchasing, I strongly considered how it would flatter each girl’s body. They all love the dress, in fact my MOH was so happy trying it on she didn’t want to take it off and constantly talks about how she can’t wait for the dresses to arrive. Knowing the financial situation of our maids, my fiance and I surprised them by purchasing their dresses. Shortly after, I expressed that I want us all to go to a salon the day of, do a coffee run, etc. (again, the day is for the bride, I feel it is pretty within reason that she spends the morning of her WEDDING how she desires)..and to find out that one of the girls was complaining about paying for a hairstyle after I had just bought her dress and she told me her plans to get a mani/pedi to ‘pamper’ herself for the wedding, I was a bit offended. Cost is not an issue, as long as it is what she WANTS. While most brides do their best to accomodate their bridesmaids, this day is NOT about you, and if you accept the role of a bridesmaid, you should accept, smile, and do your best to make the bride feel like the most special person on their most special day. Get over yourself, if you accept the offer with the mentality that you are going to get to pick your own dress, have someone else pay for you to get pampered at a salon, and get showered with gifts, you are not thinking about WHY you are accepting the role. Enjoy the day with the people you love, and make sure the day is one that the BRIDE will always remember.
Since when is the wedding all about the bridesmaids? A wedding is about the union of the bride and the groom. Yes, I will want my bridesmaids to be happy, but no, I will not “shower them with gifts” while I have an entire wedding, reception and honeymoon to pay for. Compared to all of that, a one night bachlorette party, a dress and a hair appointment is a piece of cake. If a bridesmaid ever demanded this of me, she would be out of the wedding.
Wow this list made me sad. But most of the comments made me happy. Except for the ones who assume that bride + not made of money = Bridezilla. Uh no. Brides are more than likely paying for the wedding themselves, not a ton of parents do more than pitch in any more. If you know that your bride is paying for the wedding herself, do not complain about saving up a couple hundred dollars in the same amount of time that the bride is trying to save up a couple tens of thousands of dollars.
Seriously, you sound like a Bridesmaidzilla. And it isn’t so much about what the suggestions are as is the way you said them (I know it’s your big day, and I want to help I really do, but I still care more about me).
Here is the best suggestion list you will get about your wedding:
1. Have simple ceremony with only the people most important to you and your fiancee.
2. Have a best man and maid of honor and that’s it.
3 Spend your money on the party but keep it simple. It is about love and fun not who can out do all other weddings.
4.Skip all of the above and elope on an island with just the two of you, or maybe the parents too if you must. You can always have a party when you get back to share with friends and family. It is about the two of you and not everyone else.
5. Don’t expect so much of people – have fun but don’t expect people to do so much for you.
6. Relax, enjoy, love.
This list is ridiculous!! Whoever wrote this must have never been a bride! The entire day is about the BRIDE and if a bridesmaid can’t handle that then they don’t need to be apart of the wedding party. The bride has just spent thousands of dollars making sure her day is perfect and is probably strapped for cash, asking her to spend more money on her bridesmaids (personalized gifts, heel stoppers, hair do’s) would just be putting more stress on the couple financially! If you want to dance in flip flops or wear heel stoppers bring them yourself!
While it’s great there is some discussion going on, take it easy. It’s incredibly stressful to be a bride AND a bridesmaid. As I’ll be planning my wedding soon, I realize it’s quite expensive to plan your big day. I do expect my bridesmaids to help make the process as stress-free as possible, I don’t want them to be miserable. They are my closest friends and family. While I don’t plan on paying for them to get their hair/nails done, I will buy them small gifts. The blogger isn’t expecting brides to drop hundreds of dollars on each bridesmaid; that isn’t realistic when on a budget. If you look at the box pictured above, there’s an easy way to make everything inexpensive. However, each bride and wedding is different. It is about the bride, so make it what you want. You could do all of them; you could do none of them. These are merely suggestions.
I know many have said it already, but I think these suggestions aren’t very good. Having been a MOH at one wedding and a bridesmaid at another, and now a future bride next year, expecting these things of your bride will make your time as a bridesmaid suck and stress your bride friend out.
She has dreamed of this day for a long time. Suck it up and put on the dress she’s picked. Chances are she will choose something she likes AND thinks will look good on you. The only thing I can agree on is the heel stoppers. If you say yes to being a bridesmaid, don’t expect to be showered with gifts. Support your bride and enjoy the honour of being in her wedding party. If you start going in with demands, she will wish she had chosen someone else.
Well, I’m getting married this year and after reading this, actually, I think the list of advice is extremely fair. Remember that the people you’re asking to be your bridesmaids are your friends before anything else. Yes, they’re supposed to help with things, but should they drop everything going on in their own lives because you’re getting married? No. And to think that they should is being a pretty shitty friend, in my opinion. A wedding is important, yes, but so are your friendships. Myself personally? The only expectation I have of my bridesmaids is for them is to buy a matching dress and show up at the wedding, hair done and make-up fresh. (And yes, I am offering to pay for their hair to get done. Not in your budget? Cut some of your stupid flowers and make it happen. Them feeling important and cared for are more important than those fucking orchids.) And throwing a bachelorette party for you is a wonderful bonus, but not necessary and if your bridesmaids really can’t afford one, I definitely think it’s okay to ask the bride to pitch in (I mean, if she wants one that bad). Otherwise, a simple night with friends should do. Because that’s what your bridesmaids are first–your friends. You love them and THAT’S why they’re in your wedding. Not to be the bride’s *ahem* “bitch” as someone has written in the comments. Believe me, I know weddings are expensive, but I also know that I’M the one choosing how much I spend on it. Really, a wedding is simply a day where you marry the love of your life in the presence of family and friends. Get over yourself and show some appreciation for the people surrounding you. Don’t throw a wedding expecting everyone to now worship the ground you walk on. That’s fucking ridiculous.
(p.s. Goodness. I ranted a bit. Seriously though, I’m so sorry the author is getting so much grief over this advice column. It’s mostly just saying to make sure you take time out to appreciate the help of your friends/sisters. Didn’t know people were so unwilling.)
Well thank goodness for someone who makes sense! Everything you said is exactly what I was thinking while reading this. And yes I have been a bride AND a bridesmaid. And I’m already married so the whole notion that it will someday be my turn and so I should just suck it up is moot. I have been in several weddings and seen long friendships broken forever because a bride was a total narcissistic nightmare and treated her wedding party like crap. If you don’t have time or money to pamper your friends a little bit then you should’t be spending that much on your wedding. Weddings were not meant to be an excuse to freely act like a queen bee bitch for a day and it is NOT just YOUR day! I’m SO sick of hearing people say that! No wonder the divorce rate is 60%.
All I read was, buy me this, buy me that. I didn’t realize the brides job was to keep the brides maids happy. Don’t agree to it next time…