Full disclosure: I didn’t want to have a bridal party at first. I have several best friends and didn’t want to have to choose. And well, when you’re having a very small wedding, isn’t everyone there kind of fulfilling that role? (“I have SEVEN best friends,” I told my fiancé. “If I have seven and you have seven, how many people are honestly going to be sitting out there as guests at that point?”) I didn’t want to make anyone feel left out…but I also didn’t want to make anyone DIY neon glitter birds’ nest table numbers with me or buy a dress she hated. Because if there’s one thing Hollywood has taught me about bridesmaids, it’s that everyone thinks being a bridesmaid is a huge pain in the ass…and also, to not be asked is a totally offensive snub.

Belle The Magazine

Because I didn’t get it, I wanted to just avoid the whole thing. But Eric looked pained when I told him I didn’t see the point of having a bridal party, and even my own mother accused me of trying to “reinvent the wedding” when I told her I wasn’t into the idea so, well, I figured I’d acquiesce, as wedding planning is about picking your battles and I can think of way better battles to fight.

If you’re stuck on how to choose your bridal party, as I was, here’s my advice: think about what purpose the bridal party will serve in your wedding. Because it’s so common to have a bridal party, a lot of people don’t really think about the bridal party’s function. But…why do we have them? Is this special team of women in matching dresses who are distinct from the rest of your guests just there as decoration? Or is it something more? Once you figure that out, I found it’s much easier to decide who to ask.

Rachel Wilkerson

Here are some ways you might approach thinking about your bridesmaids*:

Bridesmaid as BFF 4-EVA. Some people consider being a bridesmaid a sign of friendship, and if that’s how you are, your choice might be easier! But know that your bridesmaids don’t have to be your best friends since forever, and don’t feel pressured to ask lifelong friends if you don’t feel like they are the right fit. Knowing someone the longest — or even being family — is not necessarily guaranteed admission to the bridal party.

Kiss The Groom

Bridesmaid as pseudo-planner. If you’re DIYing your entire wedding, you may need the support — and, frankly, the hands — of your friends to help you pull it off. So if you expect your bridesmaids to be on the front line of decorating, you should probably ask your wannabe Martha Stewart friend…not the friend who ate paste in grade school and now works 80 hours a week at a corporate law firm. … Keep Reading